Don't you just love the fives in the Tarot? In the little book that came with the 'Tarot of Reflections,' it states: excessive worrying about the future often caused by mistakes in the present. A lack of farsightedness often produces the same effect.' I chose this 5,or should I say it chose me? The 5 of Pentacles is what I will journal on today.

The first thing I see in this card is.....hungry, starving, backed in a corner, no way out, depressed, manic, needing help, praying for help, or hope, having come half way and stopping for rest. Having something that was a gift, a source of power, and now it's a burden, it is controlling you. Needing to give it back, pass it on to someone else. Stop looking backward, clean house, change your mind, let go.

Being a 5 of Pentacles, it can mean effecting your security, your money, your home, or your body. Your stuff. So, is the stuff what you really want to keep? Or, are you ready for new stuff, with new energy attached to it? Or are you making yourself crazy with 'what if's'? Time to let go. I remember being in an Alanon meeting a long time ago, and a beautiful young woman said to the group....'sometimes when you don't know what the right thing to do is, usually, it's whatever the hardest thing to do is, that is your answer.' The hardest thing to do. That one thing I would hold on to for dear life, and want no one to pry out of my little hands. Why do I have to give that up? Because it is keeping me from venturing into the unknown, and trusting that whatever I might need for tomorrow, will be there. Manna from heaven. Trust, ah....that's a scary place, just trust. My job is to show up, and be present, stop hiding. Sometimes when this card shows up in a reading, I cringe. Ah, stop, build an alter and lay myself on it, with whatever it is I need to let go of. Just sit with feeling hungry, sad, lost, confused, alone, naked, crazy. Let the feeling surface, and pummel me, and write about it, cry about it, feel it. Let it move through me, and float away. Just feel it.

And what would this card repesent for me today? A situation with my grandson. That I have no power over and should keep my mouth shut about. Maybe I can only see a tiny corner of the whole picture, and it's not my business to jump in there and try to change/fix/control anything. The hardest thing to do here, is shut up, and trust he is exactly where he is meant to be.

I think the number 5's, even the #5 of the Hierophant, are cross road cards. A fork in the road. Which way is the best. The Hierophant would say to me, pray about it. Surrender it. And wait until the conflict inside passes, then make a choice.

I love something I read in the book, 'The Four Agreements' by Don Miguel Ruiz. It said, 'I respect my friends and family so much, that I believe they will make the right choices for themselves without my telling them what to think or do.' Wow. That's a hard one. Just shut up. If they want to know, they'll ask. Other than that, it's not my business.

If I could find something good about this card, it would be, being forced in that corner will make me realize what I need to do to get out of it. Pain is such a great catalyst. Certainly gets your attention, and no pills to make it go away. Well, maybe for a little while, then it pops up again..........bye....