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Entertaining, Sassy, Creative, Deep, Passionate. Artistic, Tender, Opinionated. Joyful, Stubborn, Grateful, Humble.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Questions.....I love questions. And answers. Maybe that's why I love to play with the Tarot. This is the Universal Fantasy Tarot, by Paolo Martinello. Love the art. From the writing prompts in Corrine Kenners book on Tarot Journaling, here are 3 cards that answer 3 questions I ask myself, as I wait on my girlfriend to get here to go have lunch....

I am The 4 of Cups....if I could change anything about myself, it would be:

Being afraid to grab what life offers me, run with it. This caution comes from hitting the wall. As getting 'mature' teaches you many things, caution can be healthy. But, in this card, this person is timid, afraid, not seeing the fantastic offer the Angel is holding, right in sight. I want to be aware, today of what I may not be seeing. Look closer. Be fearless....

I am The 2 of Wands.....I often fantasize about: going exotic places. Travel. I have the Webshots screensaver on my computer, I love it. I have Italy, Greece, beaches...castles...forests...
I believe this is just a season in my life. Maybe a season of rebuilding...nesting. I am so ready to go somewhere...In my notebook of goals, I have pictures of all the places I want to go. I have the camera's ready. One of my girlfriends just got back from a cruise, I was so jealous. This year, I will post my own cruise pictures...hide and watch. The person in this card embraces his choices. And he magnifies his options. He gets it in detail. Has a plan. Do this, or this. But, do something. Stop thinking about it, just do it.

I am The Judgement Card....when I look back on my life, what I am proud of....

The things I have created that I can pass on to my children. And that isn't just quilts, or scrapbooks. That is going through a bad divorce, and still saying I love my kid's dad, and mean it. It is moving to a strange town, knowing no one, and getting a job, getting a life. Getting faith back. Falling in love, and not regretting it. Losing things that I cried over, and still believeing life will
bring back to you what you love, and more. In this card, the Phoenix rises,
and flies boldly. The flowers open, exactly when they are supposed
to. Peeling back the petals and forcing them to open, when I want, kills them. Just trust. What goes around, does come back around. Every day, a gift. I read the Four Agreements...I live it. No regrets. Just honest, authentic choices. And laugh alot. That helps. Find one thing a day I am proud I did. That day.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

I laid out 3 cards this morning...
Out of these 3, the middle card stands out, I want to know more about what it says. It seems to be the one with the most action going on...so. I go find my new book by Chic Cicero & Sandra Tabatha Cicero. 'Tarot Talismans.' Just filled with the coolest tidbits on the Tarot. I grab some other decks, out of my huge stash, and scan 3 other 8 of Cups cards. Then I grab one of my favorite translations of the Bible (have stacks of Bibles, too), the New Century Version. And I look up the scripture that goes with this card. How cool. I love digging deep in the layers of meaning....and seeing what images show up from the other decks, that inspire me to understand what else this might say. I know I have 3 random cards drawn, but I want to just play with this one for now.
Key words: Abandoned success, neglect. Saturn in Pisces 1 degree to 10 degrees. Hey. I am a Pisces....is there a theme here...The 43rd
Angel, Vuliah, whose title means 'king and ruler' is the Angel of this card by day. Psalms 88:13....'but Lord, I have called out to you for help, every morning I pray to you. Why do you reject me? Why do you hide from me?'
Can you feel the sadness of this person? Can you see how dark, and bleak their surroundings are? How alone they feel? Even God is far away....and silent. This terrain is harsh, like a foreign land, with no map. Only the light of the moon to show the way...and it appears slippery, cold, sad. Those cups standing in the front of the picture, what are they? They are things that once held love, joy, happiness. Now still. Empty. All in the past.
The Angel of this card by night, is Yelahiah. the 44th Angel, whose title means 'abiding forever.' 44, that number keeps showing up all around me. Yesterday I drew it in the I-Ching. Accident? No. It warned me to stay away from temptation...ok.
With this Angel, the scripture they refer to is Psalms 119:108. I included the 105 verse to the 108th verse....'By your words I can see where I'm going; they throw a beam of light on my dark path. I've committed myself and I'll never turn back from living by your righteous order. Everything's falling apart on me, God; put me together again with your Word. Festoon me with your finest sayings, God, teach me your holy rules.' the messge translation.
Looks like one of those days when you're in time out. And nothing you do will change anything. Just shut up, get alone, pray. I pulled 3 other 8 of Cups cards from other decks, here they are. In the first, she just peers out the door, all the cups are spilled. Dark and sad. She appears to be just barely holding on, the wall. She hit the wall. The second card, his man has had to let go of something that seemed precious to him. His hands are open, his face sad. The tiny person flying away, is explaining this plan to him, but even with all the money he has filling up his golden cups, he is helpless to stop this from happening. Let go. The third card, she is wrapped with a covering, protecting herself from the falling cups. She cannot grab anything and save it. Just sadly let it fall away.
If this was me in the card, and it has been me, I'd really try to believe whatever lies on the other side of that path, even unseen right now, MUST me something really, really good. It's night, in most of the cards. Night can be the hardest time to be alone, facing all the demons that daylight keeps away. Maybe this is a, just sit with the sadness, and let it flow through you. Let it have it's way. Cry, write, pray, eat. Take a nap. You can't do much today. But, maybe that's where you are supposed to be. Just feel it. And let it go.
Someone I used to love, (what a phrase) called me the other night. Temptation. But, instead of thinking, hey, this just might work this time....I sadly said no. And just keep on going....let go. I have looked in every friggin' cup that shows up here, and nothing is left. Nice to know I am still in his thoughts. But that's pretty vague. And still pretty nothing. Maybe this is just a test...wait...wait. The next card in the lineup of the Cups, is the 9 of Cups, getting your hearts desire. My take on this is, don't just go back and try to fix the mess. Let go. Over the hill is what I really want. Just can't see that right now.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Just for today....
Drew 3 cards from The Goddess Tarot, one more flipped out. Like, don't forget me! What do I see? Judgement, 4 of Swords, Strength, and the latest addition, the 5 of Pentacles.
'You may be making decisions that feel right, stop and rest. Being strong, pushing, forcing, just doesn't work. Relax. I can see this as a power stuggle, and try harder. Or just enjoy the ice/snow and wait....'
The cards have a way of cutting to the core of the question. My question is why nothing seems to be coming together, with redoing my bedroom. I am changing the colors, the furniture. Everything. First, can't get rid of the furniture...then what I get, isn't what I really want. The paint still sits in the paintcan, the ladder I borrowed isn't here yet. I have a miserable cold and am really whiney today. So, stop. It'll all get done and I shall love it. In time....

Monday, January 14, 2008

The Fool. Using Corrine Kenners book, 'Tarot Journaling', I am on page 100. The writing prompt I am using is....The road not taken.
What was a choice, I opted not to take, that would have been a crucial turning point in my life. If I could turn back time....would I make the same choice? I drew one card to journal on tonight. The Fool. Maybe I was the Fool. Maybe it worked out just the way it was meant to be.
I had graduated from high school, was engaged to the cutest boy, Johnny. I was going to Kansas City to stay with my mother. Johnny was working in St. Louis at Grayhound. We had planned an April wedding, this was May. I already had the dresses designed, the colors, the flowers, my dream wedding. While at my Mothers, she comments that I could go to LA, my grandmother Evelyn lived there. She was an International Fabric Consultant. Worked for businesses that supplied fabrics to all the designing houses. I could stay with her, go to Design School, be the next Vera Wang. My dream come true. What choice do I pick? I came from a very broken home, Johnny was my highschool sweetheart. He was shy, quiet, funny. And had a huge family that rivaled the Waltons. I wanted so much to be part of that family. I wanted baby's, and home of my very own, and this man to share it with. And I wanted Johnny to want to marry me. He seemed on the edge about it all...most men are. April seemed a safe distance away...marriage sounded so final.
I stay in Kansas City for a month, he missed me dearly. One night he said, come home and we will get married next week. Married, like in his mom's living room, with about 4 people there. A tiny cake, a simple white dress I had worn for graduation. No music, one tiny bouquet of yellow roses, just enough to cover my tiny white Bible. What about the plans for the wedding? What about time to think about what I wanted to do, go to LA, or go back to the country and have my husband and home. I chose the husband and home. I so wanted to be the famous designer, and in many ways have done it. Maybe there are many paths to the same goal. I have sewn for famous people, I have seen half the Branson stars in there underwear, doing fittings for their glitzy costumes. Maybe the path not taken was the path that would have brought me fame and fortune. I will never really know. I do know this....when I looked in the precious faces of each of our 3 babies, I knew I made the right choice. And when I stitch up the Spiderman costume my tiny grandson David wears daily (and I mean daily) and see his face light up, I made the right choice. I think life is learning to find sweet moments that are around me daily. I notice, I am grateful. Last friday night, I had both my grandsons here, a part of me wished I was out on a date with some big hunky man....but when little David crawled in my lap, wrapped his tiny arms around me, his eyes full of love and laughter.....there was no place I would rather have been.
I think we make the best choices we can, at the time we make them. And it all works out. Being the Fool Card can mean taking the chance and trusting, when you leap, you will land exactly where you are meant to be. I think so.