Monday, December 22, 2008
The Bohemian Gothic Tarot by Karen Mahony. Just so fun to read with! Many decks are filled with soft colors, only happy thoughts...this one is dark, fun, really has many images to use, to read with. The artwork is beautiful. My deck of choice today!
I ask, what do I need to meditate on today...and drew these 3 cards.
The Nine of Wands, The High Priestess, and the Hierophant. Nice group.
The person in the 9 of Wands, is tired, has had it. Is just waiting for it to be over...whatever he's been going through. One more hurdle, and home free. Is guarding what is his, and ready to attack anyone foolish enough to try to take it away from him. The lovely High Priestess is draped in deep, dark blue, patterned silk. Wearing purple (color or royalty) underneath, and a jade green covering on her hair. A color of a healer. The columns that are in her background are dark, and light. Polarity...contrast....choices. The Hierophant is in deep thought. I see a nun in her dark coverings, glancing at him, through the lattice work behind him. He wears the deeper purple, with a burgundy cap. He holds a scroll of paper....holy writings, no doubt. The way the church has always done what they have always done. Do not change it, and do not question it. Just shut up and show up. Ah. Together these 3 would say....
I am tired, but still seeking Wisdom, Holy knowledge. I have followed several paths that lead me right back to where I started. So, maybe I was on the right path and didn't know it. Maybe I am trying to hard, and it is right in front of me. The High Priestess is my favorite card here. She is Holy Sophia. The feminine face of God. She is my mentor. She seems relaxed, calm, waiting, knowing it is all well. Plenty of time. Whatever is yours, is yours by Divine right, and no one can really take it from you. So, don't be afraid, and do not fight to hang on to everything. You don't have to. And guess what....! Holy words are being written every day! God is still talking, to each of us. Don't make it so hard. Relax. Think I will design a deep blue silk tarot bag to carry my cards in. It will remind me of her.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
I am using the writing prompts from Corrine Kenner's book, 'Tarot Journaling.' I love this book, and tell every Tarot lover to buy and use it. Turn to page 145, please.
I am the 7 of Swords. Spiritually, I feel: stuck. Like I have worked through many issues...but have a couple I am still unable to deal with. But I am working on it. Not there yet.
I am the King of Pentacles. When I pray, I pray to: God, a compassionate, gentle, Being of Light. I drew this King of Pentacles at random, that impresses me. For I reach to feel the security this King has attained. But, in Spirit, I feel that feeling of 'it will all be ok.' So, it will.
I am the Ace of Swords. When I pray, I pray for: Clarity. Wisdom. Strength. Vision, Passion. I pray about everything. Literally.
I am The World Card. I have always loved: finding out what the end of the story is. Maybe that's why I love the Tarot. It gives me a glimpse of what is coming around the corner. But always gives me choices, also. This card shows a lady dancing in joy, having mastered all the lessons she was sent here to learn. A card of victory. Thank you, I need this one. !
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Police: Arkansas TV anchorwoman Anne Pressley attacked in home
THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Monday, October 20th 2008, 2:58 PM
LITTLE ROCK, Ark. - An intruder beat and stabbed a popular TV anchorwoman in her home during a possible robbery, and left her with life-threatening injuries, police said Monday.
"She was beaten and there were some cuts to her body," said Davis. She said the cuts were stab wounds.
What happened? I followed her story when it first came out, and tragically, still am following it, and asking the cards, what happened?
WHO is responsible for hurting her, taking her life? The 2 of Cups, the 7 of Swords, and the 10 of Pentacles. A man smitten with her. A sneaky man, that was watching her, chasing her, a man with money. He did not need her money. He may have worked with her at some time, and he really liked her. I think she was kind to him, yet she did not lead him on. She just thought he was friendly, and harmless.
WHY did he hurt her? The Knight of Cups, Temperance, and the 6 of Wands. He desired her, had waited and waited....was tired of waiting for her to let her walls down and let him get close to her.She seems innocent about what his intentions were. He was hungry for her, he was fierce about her....lost all control and just decided to surprise her with his affection. She refused him....he overpowered her, he lost it.
WILL they ever find out who did this...and catch him....Ace of Pentacles, Knave of Cups, King of Wands. Yes. They know who he is right now. They have papers with his name on them, and know where
he works. The are just waiting....and yes they will catch him.
DID she ever feel in danger from this person? 2 of Wands, Knight of Wands, and Ace of Cups. No. She thought he was very interested in her, seen him around a lot, was that a coincidence? She even may have liked him. But not loved him. Or wanted him.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Using the writing prompts from Corrine Kenner's, 'Tarot Journaling" book, I am writing about 3 cards. Universal Fantasy Tarot Deck is my pick of the day!
My favorite card is________ because_______. I chose the Sun Card, because.....
the first thing I think of is the song, 'I can see clearly now, the rain is gone....I can see all, obstacles, disappear'
Happiness, victory. You are riding the white horse, above everyone else...and going the way you want to go. The golden sun is above you, guiding you, no shadows in this card. I love it.
I don't understand the_______ because______.
I don't understand the 2 of Cups card. They are meant to be together, they are right there, looking at each other, mirroring each other. But miles apart. Why is this so hard? Is he having a vision? A dream? Is she for real? Or his fantasy woman? And what is he doing? Just having a drink. Well, she is too. Maybe they both need one. I think I need one right now. He is all covered with armor. Has to protect himself from what? Her charms? Her beauty? Whatever....time is wasting. Find her. Be with her. Enjoy her. Stop dreaming and wake up. I like a man that does something. Even if it's wrong. Move....
I really dislike the______ because_______.
The 8 of Swords. She looks like she is bound, gagged, tied up. And what is that thing that has her in it's grip? Today, it would be food. I do not smoke, or drink, well, maybe just a little. But food, that's my trap. I hate it. I don't even like most of the crap I eat. I just eat. I think it's too fill up another place in me. Emotional eating. That sucks. I don't like this card, because she cannot see her way out. She is really blocked. So, how could she get away. Maybe she's not supposed to get away. Maybe she's supposed to just sit there until someone comes along and helps her. Can't fight it alone. I always look at the next card in the lineup of the Tarot, to see what will happen next. It would be the 9 of Swords. She's unbound, her hands are free, she just cannot stand to look at the monster. Ah, look closer, she is peeking at it. Well. Baby steps here. Making progress. The monster now is only a shadow. Moving away from her. She is cornered, but free. Good deal. Time will help. She is still sitting down, kneeling down. Well, a good place to start, is on the floor. Only way is up. I may watch and see if any of these cards show up in my readings today....they have a funny way of doing that. bye....
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
I am using the 'Mona Lisa Tarot' with the writers prompt: you are standing on the side of a closed door......
I randomly drew the Hierophant, the Stars, and the 6 of Wands. Here is the story....
The young man desperately needed an answer. He sought the path to God. He followed all the rules, listened to the knowledgeable. Read all the books. Wore the right clothes. Hung out with the right people. Silence. Nothing. No answers. Seemed to be only closed doors surrounding him. Ok. Maybe there was another way. He sought out the palm reader. He paid all the money he had....she held his hand. She listened. She gave him all the answers she had. It helped, but it wasn't the key to the closed door. What was the door? Fear. Only he held the key. Courage. The courage to listen to the whispers in his soul. And trust himself. To know the path to God is right where he stands. To listen to himself, to overcome the demons he holds at bay, behind the door. Let them go. They run from light. Be the light. This first card looks like he is seeking answers in the graveyard. 'God is not the God of the dead, but the Living.' The answer is not there. This could be described as, digging up bones. Leave them buried. Leave them in peace. The key is inside him. Stop running, open the door. Reminds me of the term, 'a ghost in the closet.' Well, set him free. Sometime the closed doors are'nt even locked....just closed. He opened the door. He faced his fears. He is victorious. Cool.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
I'm always looking for new ways to use the Tarot for Journaling. Today, I pulled out a great book on Journaling...'a Writers Book of Days' by Judy Reeves. I look up the prompt for today...Aug. 23, and it says, 'Something's burning.' Images that haunt you. Ok. I use the Archeon Tarot Deck that I love, haunting images that work perfect with haunting questions. I draw these 3 cards at random. Well, nothings really random...the Queen of Cups, Death, 5 of Wands. Oh, joy. What a great draw to write about. I must need to do this. So, I will.
I just dreamed this last week, actually a nightmare, black smoke was pouring through the vents in the house. I panic, dialing 911. I have had a fire. Just about everyone in the world can tell a scary story about fire. Right now I have a white candle burning as I write...scented 'Fresh Cotton.' Fire keeps me warm in the winter, heats my water, cooks my food. So, using these three cards as my story prompt, what is burning. My desire to change the way I see things. The desire to let go of what I can't fix, stop trying so hard. The images I see from these cards are...a gentle lady holding her golden cup, gazing into the future with hope. The grim reaper, sweeping away what she doesn't need, the soulless man, a hand print marks his chest, as she declared he's out of time. Stop.
This is about my father. The smoke, the panic, needing help. Someday, this will make sense. Now, I just have to trust there is a plan. And I don't have to understand it...I just have to relax. Let go of the outcome. Stay soft, stay hopeful. Stay. Don't run, don't hide. It's all good. He told me just last week, he has prostrate cancer. Ugh, hard to even type. At his age, they think the cure is worse than the disease. So, to quote him, 'if I can get in my boat and catch one more fish, that's a good day.' Something's burning...the desire to talk to him, say what I can't say. Make it all better. Heal all the years and years of scars, hidden and stuffed under the bed. Until they sneak out at night, waving at me, reminding me they are still there, through my dreams. Think I will call him tonight. Yeah. Give the ghosts a rest.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Using the Fool card from the Carlo Maltese Deck, the Universal Waite Tarot Deck, and the Universal Fantasy Tarot Deck, what do I see. The Joker from Batman, the comedy/tragedy mask, taking a leap off the edge of the cliff...and I see no net here. Has his dog here, the dog seems to be saying, ahh, maybe you better think about this. I think I will just take another path here, let you jump and I'll meet you at the bottom. He, the Fool, hold a staff, or a huge banner, not the shy guy. Has plans for his future, is just a little too optimistic, maybe, or just naive enough to believe he can fly. Maybe this is Faith in Action. History is full of'em....Joan of Arc, the Wright brothers, Christopher Columbus, look around, there are some right on your street. Really, each one of us lives this card. We all have a story. Following the path of the Fool, here I go.....
The Fool...I believed I was one of the best Seamstress's ever, and did costumes for 2 shows in Vegas, that was fun!!!
The Magician...was my birth coach for my daughter Anna, got to see my grandson Averys tiny face be born, and today is his birthday, Happy 15th birthday, kiddo!
The High Priestess...Taught classes for a year at the Library Station, on the Tarot. Had a wild and crazy group there, was well worth it.
The Empress...My new baby, a business idea I had, am now selling my artsy wares online, keeps me busy between Tarot readings...
The Emperor...Cleaned out my storage unit, took control of the clutter, and stuff I have held onto for too long. Gave it to Avery to sell at a Garage sale, for his laptop fund.
The Hierophant...Have noticed with daily meditation, my readings are changing. I am seeing different things in the cards. They seem to melt together, the story comes through in vivid detail...
The Lovers...Made peace with someone from the past. Was able to let it go.
The Chariot...Just about have my car paid for...yeah!!!
Strength...wasn't feeling well, took myself to the Dr. and ask for every test they wanted to use. Got back great results....that was sort of scary.
The Hermit...still hide at the bookstore with a stack of books and mocha grande.
The Wheel of Fortune...ugh, this is my cousin Diana's idea....Just the other night, WE put money together and bought a few, I shall not say how many, $20 scratcher tickets. We did not win.
Justice...Made the decision the cut out the people around me that lie to me. No more chances. Done.
The Hanged Man...Can feel like I am going to move, but not sure where. Just feel it. Am simplifying my life, so the moving will be easier. When it happens...
Death...I bought a sweet, tiny, Yorkshire Terrier. She needed much more attention than I could give her. I gave her to a friends mother, she adores her, they're both happier. I loved her, and let her go.
Temperance...Stopped making myself crazy dieting. Eat less, move more. Duh...
The Devil...Got a new charge card from Dillards....decided to chop it up and toss it. Yeah!
The Tower...Some major thing with the wheel of my car broke, and it cost a fortune to fix it. Wasn't in the budget..ugh.
The Star...Went out with a girlfriend to listen to a Blues band...danced with a sweet, hunky man...several times...that was nice.
The Moon...Have been writing more, still working on the book, it's coming..slowly.
The Sun...Hearing my grandson David tell me he loves me. In his dutchy 4 year old language. Precious.
Judgement...Was willing to go back in time and take full responsibility for something I was blaming someone else for, happening. Johnny, I didn't make the best choices there, either. But I learned alot from it. Pain...ah the great teacher.
The World...A small group of girls and I get together weekly, and make manifestation scrapbooks. Then get together to see what we have manifested, and celebrate!!! It's working...!
Take a chance, I used to have this as my motto...'no guts, no glory.' Pretty good motto.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Using the very beautiful, vintage looking, 'Old English Tarot' by Maggie Kneen. One of my favorites, I love the gentle art, the graceful imagery, the soft colors. In this age of vivid sci-fi Tarot, this deck is a welcome deck to play with. Even the backs of the Cards, look like a favorite old red Quilt, stitched by someone that loves you. Nice.
Using these 3 questions with these 3 cards, here is my reading:
Something to Think About....5 of Wands
I see black crows scarfing down the garden. Reminds me of the plagues of Egypt. Maybe this is from going shopping, for food, and I cannot believe the prices. Being a '5' can mean being at a crossroad. I usually shop for whatever I am hungry for at that moment...wow. I am starting to even make a list, sort of budget. Have a plan. Be aware of how I have wasted food in the past, appreciate it just a bit more, and be wiser in my choices.
Something to Do....The Devil
How funny! I think I need to 'be' the Devil. Embrace the dark side. Had a phone call from the past, last night. I thought someone had died, why else would THAT person be calling me? Ugh. The Devil is actually one of the four Angels of the Tarot. The fallen Angel. The one on my shoulder whispering, go ahead and take the call. And I did. Maybe it was closure. Isn't that what we call it when it really is mucking around in the past and wondering why the hell whatever happened, happened? A trip to Hell, with this charming escort. Another version of 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.' Don't you love that one? One good aspect of the Devil, is being stubborn, bitchy, holding that person on the line while you tell them your version of the truth. Torture him just a bit. Ah, on the the next card...
Something to Love....the World
I love this card. She dances, naked and beautiful. Each image on the corner of the card, the Angel, the Eagle, the Bull, and the Lion, represent all the aspects of the Astrology Signs. She has been tested by them all, and passed the test with flying colors! The wreath of Victory is hers! And what do I have to celebrate? Saturday night was very, very good. Ah. I think dancing is the secret to her smile...!
Friday, May 23, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Was taking a little break yesterday, drew one card to think about. This is the one I got. Grabbed Corrine Kenners book, Tarot Journaling, found some questions to use with this card, here is what I get....
Survey the Grounds
Not much ground here. Tied in knots. In time out. Wounded and bandaged, can't see how to get away, or where to go. At the edge, stuck, no answer's an answer. Silence. What happened and how did I get here? And how do I get away? Wait. Just wait. Help could be on the way, but I see no help today. I see nothing. The center card is from the Magna Tarot, he looks like he is in a hospital gown,his ankles are bound, the swords stabbed in the soft earth, form a barrier, he cannot walk away. He is sick, confused, looking for something, anything that may be a sign to show him the way out. Ugh, no signs. Nothing. The first card is from the Archeon Tarot. Dark blue, the blues. Yes. Left behind. Forgotten. Striped naked, tied to the stake. Let's burn her, she's a witch. Or a bitch. Or just a really smart woman, that has answers for everyone but herself. The last card is from the Tarot of Reflections. Dark, bound, fierce wind whipping her hair, her gauze coming unbound. She's coming undone. Anyone care? Anyone see? No. Very alone cards. Must be the answers are all inside of her. And she'll find them. As she waits. Cries. Prays.
The Safe Haven
If this was a safe haven, even though it doesn't look like it from here....how would it be safe? I see no one around to torture her anymore. They have left. Moved on to find another person to hurt. Safe. I love that word. It says you can sleep, you are being watched over, maybe by Angels, yes, by Angels. Haven, heaven, sort of. A place of suffering, transformed into a place of peace. Strangely. And you don't know how. It just happened. While you slept. You can't do much from this place of being stuck. So, just go to sleep. Stop trying to fix it, think your way out of it. Just do nothing.
My take on the Swords, is they have no timing. It's a mental thing. A choice. Or a double edged sword. Or pile of them. Nothing is happening here. Except going inward. Processing, praying. Waiting. Help could be on the way, or not. The good news is her tormentor is gone. She is bandaged, that has to have been done by someone other than herself. A friend, a kind person to listen to her. Care.
Just another day in paradise. This too shall pass.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
I dreamed last night, I was walking down a hall, narrow, and an empty comforter and empty pillow sham fell from up above me. I picked them up, and walked on, holding onto them. I was in a line of girls, we were being 'shown' the way to go. We were in this big room, 'they' were telling me where I could sleep. There were wide steps, and a woman/girl was on each one. I could see no place for me to go. I didn't fit in anywhere. She said...go up there, and find a place. I walked as far as I could. There was no spot for me. So, I just laid down, right there in the corner. I fell between a crack in the floor and the wall. I was scared, but before I could get out, the 2 walls of the house smiled, and the Big house hugged me, the house was holding me.
When I interpret dreams, on Keen or otherwise, this is how I do it. I go back into the symbols of the dream, look at what stands out. Then I see a story of what the dream is saying, in the language of symbols. I will show you here....
I dreamed last night, I was walking down a hall, narrow, and
walking, going somewhere, down-inner chambers, the hall, a place many doors may seem closed, but can open. Narrow, hard, feeling pressured, squeezed.
a empty comforter and empty pillow sham fell from up above
empty, nothing left, sad comfort, and empty pillow, a sham, not what it appears. Fall to me, I grab them, hold onto them. Keep on going...
me. I picked them up, and walked on, holding onto them. I was
many females are here with me, others are showing us the way
in a line of girls, we were being 'shown' the way to go. We
to go, we all end up in the same place.
were in this big room, and they were telling me where I could
who is telling me? Should I be listening to them? I don't know.
sleep. There were wide steps, and a girl/woman was on each
sleep, rest, shut up. Wide steps, each one had someone on that step. I could see women on every step.
one. I could see no place for me to go. I didn't fit in
What step do I belong on? I could see no place for me to go, I don't belong here, I should be married, with a family. I was a good wife, good mother. I don't fit in this single scene. I don't know where to go to get out of this place, where is the door? I keep listening for direction, and it seems to keep getting worse. Sadder. Empty. Help me.
anywhere. She said, go up there, and find a place. I walked
go up, higher, reach higher, just go. Find a place, any place. Doesn't really matter.
as far as I could, there was no spot for me. So, I just laid
I have gone as far as I can, and find no spot for myself. Exhausted, I just laid down, gave up.
down, right there in the corner. I fell between a crack in
fell between the cracks, how funny. cracks on the floor, couldn't get much lower, really. and against the wall, I am against the wall. Or I have the wall, a really high one. That seems to be the only sure thing I have, is the wall.
the floor, and the wall. I was scared, but before I could get
I am scared, this is not where I thought I would be. Ever.
out, the 2 walls of the house smiled, and the Big house
before I get out of where I am, 2 of the walls smile. A really big sweet smile. Like this is all so funny, and not what I think it is. It is a big house, I cannot see all of it. Maybe the walls know more than I do.
hugged me. The house was holding me.
They hug me, hold me through the night. The house is there for me. It holds me.
Last Saturday was my birthday. I went out for a late lunch with Julie, one of my best friends. I come home, worked on Keen. Am feeling sorry for myself, wish I was out with a big hunky man, celebrating this passage of my life. I have to practice saying how old I am, it's not coming easy this year. But, no date, I am home alone. I go to sleep about midnight. 3:30 in the morning, a neighbor,Pat, beats on my door, 'the apartments are on fire' she screams. I open my door to see about 12 fire trucks, red flashing lights, right in front of me, and thick black smoke everywhere. 2 units, (cold terms for 2 small homes of someone I have waved at while getting my mail) are burning. A furnace caught fire. Just an accident. Could happen to anyone. We are all sent away for the rest of the night/day, all power and gas lines are shut off. Go somewhere. Come back later. I am standing in the parking lot, in the strangest outfit,( try grabbing clothes in utter panic, dressing while you assess what you should grab, may never see again, and run down the stairs at the same time.) Almost funny. But not. I go have coffee, and wait awhile, where can I go at 4 in the morning? I finally call Meme, a friend,and ask to go there, feels rather humbling. Is humbling. My daughter Anna says, you should move, now. Today. I cannot. Yet, I am afraid. And I hate being afraid. I think this event triggered my dream.
For every one that calls me for readings, and is alone, searching for the love of their life, I am there with you. My dream says I have listened to every voice that tells me how to do it. I am in a huge group of women, at every step of the journey, and I can't even find a place I belong, being single. I am so utterly discouraged. Tired. I decided to stop dating, if you could call it that. I call it being rejected by men you would not even really 'normally' consider dating. And what self esteem you might have a shred of left, gets pummeled into nothing. Hence, just find a corner and lay down. Give up. I painted my sewing room, and my bedroom. Am working on the rest of the walls. Ah, the walls! I am decorating my WALLS! But, my walls seem to be the only thing protecting me, they actually are smiling at me, happy to be painted, and decorated. They are holding me. I had spent a fortune on a silky comforter and pillow shams. Painted the bedroom walls, and the colors hated each other. Sold the whole bedding set on Ebay. Bought another set. Don't know if I like it or not. But I love the wall color. Reminds me of my favorite lipstick color, a rich burgundy. Very girl-y. The expensive bedding brought only 'empty' feelings. No one to share it with. Small or no comfort. Painting my walls seems to be making sense. And get this, I live in the corner, of the big apartment building. 2 walls are where I sleep, in the corner. Those 2 walls hold me at night. Even in the fire, I was safe.
And so are you.
If you ever want to know what your dreams are telling you, call me. It can be fun decoding them. Or profound. I think I'll finish painting all my walls. See what else they say in the next dream.
Monday, February 25, 2008
First I draw one card....but I can't stop at one, so I pick 2 more. I need them to tell me what the first card is saying. I am doing the 3 kinds of reading, best, worst, and spiritual. Humor me, I like to see how much I can glean from each set of cards. I think I have an overactive mind, some people call it ADD, and one guy even called it, a steel trap. Ha, I don't think he meant that as a compliment. Whatever. On to the story....
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
And these beautiful yellow flowers, a gift from my grandson Avery. I had a rough day....he was so sweet to think about me. Would this be the Sun Card? The colors. Red and gold and yellow. Yeah. This did make me happy. I know I 'read' cards, but really the symbols are all around. Just look.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
A great book by Byron Katie. I read everything she writes. And I practice what she preaches.
I had something strange happen this week. I dreamed about the man I was engaged to 4 years ago. In the dream, I had 3 white pieces of an beautiful outfit. One lace blouse, a long skirt, and a vest. I just loved the lace blouse. He and I were arguing, and I couldn't find my white clothes. I ask him where they were, he said he gave them to someone else. I was ripping mad. And I woke up. Tonight I draw these 4 cards, at random. Just to see what might show up.
If I were to give just a few words for each card here, the 3 of Pentacles : 3rd time is a charm, working at it will really fix it, try harder. The Tower : coming unglued, explosions, surprises, can you believe this? The 4 of Pentacles : I have it, I think I have all my bases covered, it's mine. The World : Walk away a winner, walk away with nothing on your back, and don't care or need it. Victory, maybe.
So, I am at Barnes and Noble, getting my book fix. I look up, and there he is. I have not seen him in years. I just dreamed about him the night before. I am really shocked. He is looking for me. He hugs me....wants me to come outside and see his little Yorkie. I go outside. We talk.....and I reach out and hug him, and say, I love you. I will always love you. And I start to cry. He tells me he loves me. And I hurry to get to a lunch appointment....and wonder what just happened. He is married now. Has it all. Has lost weight, has the dog, the skinny wife, the new house, the new car, has everything. Why look for me?
I think the cards pretty well say it all. He would have been my 3rd serious try at love. I really tried. Then I tried harder. It all fell apart. And I tried harder. And I got mad. Mad at him, mad at myself. Mad at life. It was over, I moved. I couldn't decide if I won or lost. Ever felt like that? Felt like a rollar coster ride....that would never end. And when it did, I cried, I slept, I started over. I was just numb.
When I use Katie Byrons suggestions for working through something that just keeps showing up...I go through her list of questions.
What belief am I working on? That if I would have tried even harder, I would not be single right now. Not sitting here alone. He is not alone.
Who would I be without that thought? I would be ok. I wouldn't feel guilty, or punished for not trying hard enough. I think this goes way back to my marriage of 17 years. Try 'till you die. Well, almost. So, If I turn the thought around, like Katie says, it would be....He didn't try hard enough. And how can I turn it around to myself....I didn't try hard enough....to love me, to give me what I needed. And turning it around the other way, I didn't try hard enough.....how did I not try hard enough....I didn't trust him. And turning it around again...And how did he really try? He let himself love me. He let me redecorate the kitchen (no small thing, after about a thousand fights), and he loved it. So, how has my thinking hurt me? By believing a real relationship takes enormous amounts of work, never ending, just gets more work. We were never on the same team. No wonder it was so hard. We both had the 'keep your back covered' thing going.
I feel like, what the cards say is, I really did try hard enough. And it is a happy ending. And when I seen him, I do love him. And I'm glad she is married to him. Maybe it was just closure....it was sweet. And I passed the test....! I stayed tender, and forgiving...and grateful. No small thing....! Oh, and the 3 pieces of the white outfit from the dream....I have thought about that. I really just loved the white lace blouse. The others didn't seem to match, they were just white. A blouse covers your heart....the rest weren't important, and I didn't really care to lose them. But he gave them all to someone else....another woman. I had lost my heart to him....but after seeing him the other day, my heart is ok. White, purity. My motives were pure....and he knows it. A good ending....I think.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Just for fun I drew cards on which team will win the Superbowl today. Here is what the cards say....
I drew 4 cards, one for each quarter, 5 of Swords, 2 of Swords,
Hierophant, 7 of Wands. I also drew an outcome card for the end of
the game, I got the Hermit.
Looks like they start off slow, then they tie with the other team. 3rd quarter, something major happens, that seems to be the most important quarter. They hold the Giants at bay....they are very wise and they win. My money is on them today.
The New York Giants.....
This is strange....twice I scanned these cards, as the first time I laid them out, they were in the opposite order. But each time I scanned them, this is how they appeared....so I am leaving them in this order.
7 of Pentacles, Knight of Swords, Nine of Wands, and the Page of Wands. The outcome card is the 4 of Swords.
They start off good, fierce, really showing their stuff. In the 3rd
quarter, they struggle. They try to regain their poper, but it's
weak. They end with the 4 of Swords. Quiet and flat. I do not
see them winning today. I am posting this now...so I can
watch the game and see what the results are. Here is the
While I was doing these cards, the 2 of Cups card fell out, so I think
this will be an entertaining, close game. Watch it....! I am.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Being afraid to grab what life offers me, run with it. This caution comes from hitting the wall. As getting 'mature' teaches you many things, caution can be healthy. But, in this card, this person is timid, afraid, not seeing the fantastic offer the Angel is holding, right in sight. I want to be aware, today of what I may not be seeing. Look closer. Be fearless....
I am The 2 of Wands.....I often fantasize about: going exotic places. Travel. I have the Webshots screensaver on my computer, I love it. I have Italy, Greece, beaches...castles...forests...
I am The Judgement Card....when I look back on my life, what I am proud of....
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
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