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Entertaining, Sassy, Creative, Deep, Passionate. Artistic, Tender, Opinionated. Joyful, Stubborn, Grateful, Humble.

Monday, December 22, 2008

The Bohemian Gothic Tarot by Karen Mahony. Just so fun to read with! Many decks are filled with soft colors, only happy thoughts...this one is dark, fun, really has many images to use, to read with. The artwork is beautiful. My deck of choice today!

I ask, what do I need to meditate on today...and drew these 3 cards.
The Nine of Wands, The High Priestess, and the Hierophant. Nice group.

The person in the 9 of Wands, is tired, has had it. Is just waiting for it to be over...whatever he's been going through. One more hurdle, and home free. Is guarding what is his, and ready to attack anyone foolish enough to try to take it away from him. The lovely High Priestess is draped in deep, dark blue, patterned silk. Wearing purple (color or royalty) underneath, and a jade green covering on her hair. A color of a healer. The columns that are in her background are dark, and light. Polarity...contrast....choices. The Hierophant is in deep thought. I see a nun in her dark coverings, glancing at him, through the lattice work behind him. He wears the deeper purple, with a burgundy cap. He holds a scroll of paper....holy writings, no doubt. The way the church has always done what they have always done. Do not change it, and do not question it. Just shut up and show up. Ah. Together these 3 would say....
I am tired, but still seeking Wisdom, Holy knowledge. I have followed several paths that lead me right back to where I started. So, maybe I was on the right path and didn't know it. Maybe I am trying to hard, and it is right in front of me. The High Priestess is my favorite card here. She is Holy Sophia. The feminine face of God. She is my mentor. She seems relaxed, calm, waiting, knowing it is all well. Plenty of time. Whatever is yours, is yours by Divine right, and no one can really take it from you. So, don't be afraid, and do not fight to hang on to everything. You don't have to. And guess what....! Holy words are being written every day! God is still talking, to each of us. Don't make it so hard. Relax. Think I will design a deep blue silk tarot bag to carry my cards in. It will remind me of her.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

I am using the writing prompts from Corrine Kenner's book, 'Tarot Journaling.' I love this book, and tell every Tarot lover to buy and use it. Turn to page 145, please.

I am the 7 of Swords. Spiritually, I feel: stuck. Like I have worked through many issues...but have a couple I am still unable to deal with. But I am working on it. Not there yet.

I am the King of Pentacles. When I pray, I pray to: God, a compassionate, gentle, Being of Light. I drew this King of Pentacles at random, that impresses me. For I reach to feel the security this King has attained. But, in Spirit, I feel that feeling of 'it will all be ok.' So, it will.

I am the Ace of Swords. When I pray, I pray for: Clarity. Wisdom. Strength. Vision, Passion. I pray about everything. Literally.

I am The World Card. I have always loved: finding out what the end of the story is. Maybe that's why I love the Tarot. It gives me a glimpse of what is coming around the corner. But always gives me choices, also. This card shows a lady dancing in joy, having mastered all the lessons she was sent here to learn. A card of victory. Thank you, I need this one. !

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Anne Pressley

Police: Arkansas TV anchorwoman Anne Pressley attacked in home

Monday, October 20th 2008, 2:58 PM

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. - An intruder beat and stabbed a popular TV anchorwoman in her home during a possible robbery, and left her with life-threatening injuries, police said Monday.

Anne Pressly, 26, was found lying in her bed and bleeding from severe wounds early Monday, police spokeswoman Cassandra Davis. She found non-responsive and bleeding from the head, Davis said.

"She was beaten and there were some cuts to her body," said Davis. She said the cuts were stab wounds.

What happened? I followed her story when it first came out, and tragically, still am following it, and asking the cards, what happened?

WHO is responsible for hurting her, taking her life? The 2 of Cups, the 7 of Swords, and the 10 of Pentacles. A man smitten with her. A sneaky man, that was watching her, chasing her, a man with money. He did not need her money. He may have worked with her at some time, and he really liked her. I think she was kind to him, yet she did not lead him on. She just thought he was friendly, and harmless.

WHY did he hurt her? The Knight of Cups, Temperance, and the 6 of Wands. He desired her, had waited and waited....was tired of waiting for her to let her walls down and let him get close to her.She seems innocent about what his intentions were. He was hungry for her, he was fierce about her....lost all control and just decided to surprise her with his affection. She refused him....he overpowered her, he lost it.

WILL they ever find out who did this...and catch him....Ace of Pentacles, Knave of Cups, King of Wands. Yes. They know who he is right now. They have papers with his name on them, and know where

he works. The are just waiting....and yes they will catch him.

DID she ever feel in danger from this person? 2 of Wands, Knight of Wands, and Ace of Cups. No. She thought he was very interested in her, seen him around a lot, was that a coincidence? She even may have liked him. But not loved him. Or wanted him.

I pray he will be found, and all the questions will be answered. Sadly, it will not bring her back. My prayers are with her family.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

In your own words.....

Using the writing prompts from Corrine Kenner's, 'Tarot Journaling" book, I am writing about 3 cards. Universal Fantasy Tarot Deck is my pick of the day!

My favorite card is________ because_______. I chose the Sun Card, because.....
the first thing I think of is the song, 'I can see clearly now, the rain is gone....I can see all, obstacles, disappear'
Happiness, victory. You are riding the white horse, above everyone else...and going the way you want to go. The golden sun is above you, guiding you, no shadows in this card. I love it.

I don't understand the_______ because______.
I don't understand the 2 of Cups card. They are meant to be together, they are right there, looking at each other, mirroring each other. But miles apart. Why is this so hard? Is he having a vision? A dream? Is she for real? Or his fantasy woman? And what is he doing? Just having a drink. Well, she is too. Maybe they both need one. I think I need one right now. He is all covered with armor. Has to protect himself from what? Her charms? Her beauty? Whatever....time is wasting. Find her. Be with her. Enjoy her. Stop dreaming and wake up. I like a man that does something. Even if it's wrong. Move....

I really dislike the______ because_______.
The 8 of Swords. She looks like she is bound, gagged, tied up. And what is that thing that has her in it's grip? Today, it would be food. I do not smoke, or drink, well, maybe just a little. But food, that's my trap. I hate it. I don't even like most of the crap I eat. I just eat. I think it's too fill up another place in me. Emotional eating. That sucks. I don't like this card, because she cannot see her way out. She is really blocked. So, how could she get away. Maybe she's not supposed to get away. Maybe she's supposed to just sit there until someone comes along and helps her. Can't fight it alone. I always look at the next card in the lineup of the Tarot, to see what will happen next. It would be the 9 of Swords. She's unbound, her hands are free, she just cannot stand to look at the monster. Ah, look closer, she is peeking at it. Well. Baby steps here. Making progress. The monster now is only a shadow. Moving away from her. She is cornered, but free. Good deal. Time will help. She is still sitting down, kneeling down. Well, a good place to start, is on the floor. Only way is up. I may watch and see if any of these cards show up in my readings today....they have a funny way of doing that. bye....

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

I am using the 'Mona Lisa Tarot' with the writers prompt: you are standing on the side of a closed door......

I randomly drew the Hierophant, the Stars, and the 6 of Wands. Here is the story....

The young man desperately needed an answer. He sought the path to God. He followed all the rules, listened to the knowledgeable. Read all the books. Wore the right clothes. Hung out with the right people. Silence. Nothing. No answers. Seemed to be only closed doors surrounding him. Ok. Maybe there was another way. He sought out the palm reader. He paid all the money he had....she held his hand. She listened. She gave him all the answers she had. It helped, but it wasn't the key to the closed door. What was the door? Fear. Only he held the key. Courage. The courage to listen to the whispers in his soul. And trust himself. To know the path to God is right where he stands. To listen to himself, to overcome the demons he holds at bay, behind the door. Let them go. They run from light. Be the light. This first card looks like he is seeking answers in the graveyard. 'God is not the God of the dead, but the Living.' The answer is not there. This could be described as, digging up bones. Leave them buried. Leave them in peace. The key is inside him. Stop running, open the door. Reminds me of the term, 'a ghost in the closet.' Well, set him free. Sometime the closed doors are'nt even locked....just closed. He opened the door. He faced his fears. He is victorious. Cool.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Archeon Tarot, Edgy, I love it

I'm always looking for new ways to use the Tarot for Journaling. Today, I pulled out a great book on Journaling...'a Writers Book of Days' by Judy Reeves. I look up the prompt for today...Aug. 23, and it says, 'Something's burning.' Images that haunt you. Ok. I use the Archeon Tarot Deck that I love, haunting images that work perfect with haunting questions. I draw these 3 cards at random. Well, nothings really random...the Queen of Cups, Death, 5 of Wands. Oh, joy. What a great draw to write about. I must need to do this. So, I will.
Something's Burning:
I just dreamed this last week, actually a nightmare, black smoke was pouring through the vents in the house. I panic, dialing 911. I have had a fire. Just about everyone in the world can tell a scary story about fire. Right now I have a white candle burning as I write...scented 'Fresh Cotton.' Fire keeps me warm in the winter, heats my water, cooks my food. So, using these three cards as my story prompt, what is burning. My desire to change the way I see things. The desire to let go of what I can't fix, stop trying so hard. The images I see from these cards are...a gentle lady holding her golden cup, gazing into the future with hope. The grim reaper, sweeping away what she doesn't need, the soulless man, a hand print marks his chest, as she declared he's out of time. Stop.
This is about my father. The smoke, the panic, needing help. Someday, this will make sense. Now, I just have to trust there is a plan. And I don't have to understand it...I just have to relax. Let go of the outcome. Stay soft, stay hopeful. Stay. Don't run, don't hide. It's all good. He told me just last week, he has prostrate cancer. Ugh, hard to even type. At his age, they think the cure is worse than the disease. So, to quote him, 'if I can get in my boat and catch one more fish, that's a good day.' Something's burning...the desire to talk to him, say what I can't say. Make it all better. Heal all the years and years of scars, hidden and stuffed under the bed. Until they sneak out at night, waving at me, reminding me they are still there, through my dreams. Think I will call him tonight. Yeah. Give the ghosts a rest.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

the Fool, here we go again

Using the Fool card from the Carlo Maltese Deck, the Universal Waite Tarot Deck, and the Universal Fantasy Tarot Deck, what do I see. The Joker from Batman, the comedy/tragedy mask, taking a leap off the edge of the cliff...and I see no net here. Has his dog here, the dog seems to be saying, ahh, maybe you better think about this. I think I will just take another path here, let you jump and I'll meet you at the bottom. He, the Fool, hold a staff, or a huge banner, not the shy guy. Has plans for his future, is just a little too optimistic, maybe, or just naive enough to believe he can fly. Maybe this is Faith in Action. History is full of'em....Joan of Arc, the Wright brothers, Christopher Columbus, look around, there are some right on your street. Really, each one of us lives this card. We all have a story. Following the path of the Fool, here I go.....

The Fool...I believed I was one of the best Seamstress's ever, and did costumes for 2 shows in Vegas, that was fun!!!

The Magician...was my birth coach for my daughter Anna, got to see my grandson Averys tiny face be born, and today is his birthday, Happy 15th birthday, kiddo!

The High Priestess...Taught classes for a year at the Library Station, on the Tarot. Had a wild and crazy group there, was well worth it.

The Empress...My new baby, a business idea I had, am now selling my artsy wares online, keeps me busy between Tarot readings...

The Emperor...Cleaned out my storage unit, took control of the clutter, and stuff I have held onto for too long. Gave it to Avery to sell at a Garage sale, for his laptop fund.

The Hierophant...Have noticed with daily meditation, my readings are changing. I am seeing different things in the cards. They seem to melt together, the story comes through in vivid detail...

The Lovers...Made peace with someone from the past. Was able to let it go.

The Chariot...Just about have my car paid for...yeah!!!

Strength...wasn't feeling well, took myself to the Dr. and ask for every test they wanted to use. Got back great results....that was sort of scary.

The Hermit...still hide at the bookstore with a stack of books and mocha grande.

The Wheel of Fortune...ugh, this is my cousin Diana's idea....Just the other night, WE put money together and bought a few, I shall not say how many, $20 scratcher tickets. We did not win.

Justice...Made the decision the cut out the people around me that lie to me. No more chances. Done.

The Hanged Man...Can feel like I am going to move, but not sure where. Just feel it. Am simplifying my life, so the moving will be easier. When it happens...

Death...I bought a sweet, tiny, Yorkshire Terrier. She needed much more attention than I could give her. I gave her to a friends mother, she adores her, they're both happier. I loved her, and let her go.

Temperance...Stopped making myself crazy dieting. Eat less, move more. Duh...

The Devil...Got a new charge card from Dillards....decided to chop it up and toss it. Yeah!

The Tower...Some major thing with the wheel of my car broke, and it cost a fortune to fix it. Wasn't in the budget..ugh.

The Star...Went out with a girlfriend to listen to a Blues band...danced with a sweet, hunky man...several times...that was nice.

The Moon...Have been writing more, still working on the book, it's coming..slowly.

The Sun...Hearing my grandson David tell me he loves me. In his dutchy 4 year old language. Precious.

Judgement...Was willing to go back in time and take full responsibility for something I was blaming someone else for, happening. Johnny, I didn't make the best choices there, either. But I learned alot from it. Pain...ah the great teacher.

The World...A small group of girls and I get together weekly, and make manifestation scrapbooks. Then get together to see what we have manifested, and celebrate!!! It's working...!

Take a chance, I used to have this as my motto...'no guts, no glory.' Pretty good motto.

Friday, July 18, 2008


Say you pick this card out of your deck, just at random. As you gaze into it, suddenly, you are inside the card. You can see them, but they can't see you. She is called the 'High Priestess.' Or here, the Gypsy Fortuneteller. In this getting to know this card better, stretch of my imagination, and I have a really great imagination, this is what I write. Covering the 5 'W's, of who, what, where, when, and why, I listen to their story....

She is a woman with a gift, an uncanny ability to read the future. Ruby, her name is Ruby. Looks like she has several other gifts to go with that, and may be doing a little advertising about those too. She feels like a girlfriend, like someone I would like to hang out with, hear her stories. Tonight she needs to get out of the house. Laugh, talk, bring her cards out to play. Make some money. This feels like a version of the 'Cheers' bar, local, loud, safe. The alligator on the wall, makes this feel like it's in Louisiana. Long time ago. She has a large red book with her. I think it's hollow, filled with her secret stuff. Her tarot cards, her candles, her herbs...little things she finds showing up. Like fallen bird feathers, shiny stones, sea shells. Most people wouldn't care to really read this huge book, so her private treasures are safe, hidden in there. She's holding his hand, reading his palm. Thomas, his name is Thomas. His life line isn't looking to good here, might have to peek in the cards and see what his options are, it's all about choices, you know. It's getting late, last call for drinks, he has been mesmerized by her leaning toward him, getting close enough to smell the scent of the musky oils she anoints herself with nightly. Why is he there, in her corner? He's getting ready to board the ship after the bar closes. Will he make it back home safe? Will he get rich on this treasure hunt? Will his wife be faithful to him? Better be careful asking some questions. The truth can be something he may not want to really hear. She sees a rough ride on the sea, and yes, they take a ship. He is injured, but not fatally. There is gold, but he has to share. A happy crew. But not enough gold to risk his life for. Let the others fight in the front of the fray, stay back, you will be hurt, but not die. She whispers secrets about his passage mates, but is strangely silent about his wife. Maybe that means all is well at home. He will be back again, when the ship returns. She will tell him what he needs to hear to give him courage, and the wife, he can face that battle, when he is ready. Not tonight. Maybe, the moody ocean and bloody battles fought out there, are easier to face, than the silent wife. Sort of makes you wonder why he is out at the pub, instead of home taking care of business. Oh well. He slips a gold coin in her tiny hand, holding it just a bit longer than needed, and joins his crew mates for one last drink. She gathers her cherished stash, and quietly slips out the door. Everyone has questions, her business is good.

The High Priestess, is the Keeper of Secrets. She may see all things, but she may not say everything she sees. Sometimes, she waits, to tell them the story. Maybe the story is still being written? Sort of a choose your own ending story. Our lives. Let her guide you, but you make the choices for your life. So, make some really good ones....

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

'Something' Tarot Reading

Using the very beautiful, vintage looking, 'Old English Tarot' by Maggie Kneen. One of my favorites, I love the gentle art, the graceful imagery, the soft colors. In this age of vivid sci-fi Tarot, this deck is a welcome deck to play with. Even the backs of the Cards, look like a favorite old red Quilt, stitched by someone that loves you. Nice.

Using these 3 questions with these 3 cards, here is my reading:

Something to Think About....5 of Wands

I see black crows scarfing down the garden. Reminds me of the plagues of Egypt. Maybe this is from going shopping, for food, and I cannot believe the prices. Being a '5' can mean being at a crossroad. I usually shop for whatever I am hungry for at that moment...wow. I am starting to even make a list, sort of budget. Have a plan. Be aware of how I have wasted food in the past, appreciate it just a bit more, and be wiser in my choices.

Something to Do....The Devil

How funny! I think I need to 'be' the Devil. Embrace the dark side. Had a phone call from the past, last night. I thought someone had died, why else would THAT person be calling me? Ugh. The Devil is actually one of the four Angels of the Tarot. The fallen Angel. The one on my shoulder whispering, go ahead and take the call. And I did. Maybe it was closure. Isn't that what we call it when it really is mucking around in the past and wondering why the hell whatever happened, happened? A trip to Hell, with this charming escort. Another version of 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.' Don't you love that one? One good aspect of the Devil, is being stubborn, bitchy, holding that person on the line while you tell them your version of the truth. Torture him just a bit. Ah, on the the next card...

Something to Love....the World

I love this card. She dances, naked and beautiful. Each image on the corner of the card, the Angel, the Eagle, the Bull, and the Lion, represent all the aspects of the Astrology Signs. She has been tested by them all, and passed the test with flying colors! The wreath of Victory is hers! And what do I have to celebrate? Saturday night was very, very good. Ah. I think dancing is the secret to her smile...!


Friday, May 23, 2008

Always looking for a new way to lay out the Tarot Cards, I was listening to the news this morning, heard them say.....when someone is in distress in the water (this being a holiday weekend) , remember this : Reach, Throw, Don't Go. I thought, hey, a new layout! Thank you.
I am using the brand new- hot on the market, 'Mona Lisa Tarot by Mark McElroy.' Very different, I have to stop and look at the images again, they have many things to find in each detailed card. Not your typical deck. I like that. Rebel I am.
Reach....The Hanged Man
Throw....9 of Cups
Don't go....6 of Cups
One child in the center of this card is reaching. Someone holding the puppets, has them just out of reach, it's a game, a show, wait until it's over, and you can touch them then. In the next card, this man has eaten everything he wanted, and more. Is blessed, and has even more right there by his side. Everything he wants, right there. The next card shows someone helping another person get to the top of the hill. Reach out...
Putting these in context with the 'reach, throw, and don't go' layout, this is what I would think...
Keep your goals right in front of you, keep reaching, the time will come and you will understand why you could not touch what you wanted. Just wait...Look at what you do have, and what you can give to others to bless them. Today, don't try to lift anyone, stop trying to fix everything. Just stop. Or, if that is me that is reaching up for the help, stop. Maybe I'm not ready for the next step, yet. Just wait. Go back to the center card and just relax, stop trying so hard.
There are so many fun things to do with the cards, just have fun with them. It's not all about dire predictions, bad news, this will happen and you have no power over it. Remember this is your life, free will. The choices you make today, determine where you are tomorrow. And the cards reflect that. Choice, and change.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Visiting the Dark Side.... The new Bohemian Gothic Tarot by Karen Mahony...you will love this one! A Vincent Price sort of deck.
I drew 3 cards to journal with today, got the Page of Wands, the Chariot, and the 7 of Wands.
The center card draws my attention, focus.
Setting goals, which way do I proceed, to accomplish what I want?
The seven of Wands is next, push everyone away....I have to do that to work. I really don't understand why I have to explain that issue. I have to focus, and stay centered, and feel the answers to the questions.
I guess if you think doing card readings is just, pull it out of a hat and blabber on....then it would be easy. Well, it's way more than that.
The Page of Wands is my mentor today...she is holding a little book that looks like a deck of Tarot cards! And a Wand that looks like she will whack anyone that gets in her way. Soothing music is being played by her friend in the background. No other distractions going on here.
I like what the Prophet said, 'Work is love made visible.'
I love what I do.
One thing that stands out in this layout...the front of the Chariot, the 2 women. One dark, one light. Walking the fine line of the dark side, we all do it everyday. Our shadow, always with us. Our fears, our challenges. And our friend. If you get the chance to check out this deck, do it. You will love it!

Thursday, April 03, 2008

8 of Swords Day

Was taking a little break yesterday, drew one card to think about. This is the one I got. Grabbed Corrine Kenners book, Tarot Journaling, found some questions to use with this card, here is what I get....

Survey the Grounds

Not much ground here. Tied in knots. In time out. Wounded and bandaged, can't see how to get away, or where to go. At the edge, stuck, no answer's an answer. Silence. What happened and how did I get here? And how do I get away? Wait. Just wait. Help could be on the way, but I see no help today. I see nothing. The center card is from the Magna Tarot, he looks like he is in a hospital gown,his ankles are bound, the swords stabbed in the soft earth, form a barrier, he cannot walk away. He is sick, confused, looking for something, anything that may be a sign to show him the way out. Ugh, no signs. Nothing. The first card is from the Archeon Tarot. Dark blue, the blues. Yes. Left behind. Forgotten. Striped naked, tied to the stake. Let's burn her, she's a witch. Or a bitch. Or just a really smart woman, that has answers for everyone but herself. The last card is from the Tarot of Reflections. Dark, bound, fierce wind whipping her hair, her gauze coming unbound. She's coming undone. Anyone care? Anyone see? No. Very alone cards. Must be the answers are all inside of her. And she'll find them. As she waits. Cries. Prays.

The Safe Haven

If this was a safe haven, even though it doesn't look like it from here....how would it be safe? I see no one around to torture her anymore. They have left. Moved on to find another person to hurt. Safe. I love that word. It says you can sleep, you are being watched over, maybe by Angels, yes, by Angels. Haven, heaven, sort of. A place of suffering, transformed into a place of peace. Strangely. And you don't know how. It just happened. While you slept. You can't do much from this place of being stuck. So, just go to sleep. Stop trying to fix it, think your way out of it. Just do nothing.

My take on the Swords, is they have no timing. It's a mental thing. A choice. Or a double edged sword. Or pile of them. Nothing is happening here. Except going inward. Processing, praying. Waiting. Help could be on the way, or not. The good news is her tormentor is gone. She is bandaged, that has to have been done by someone other than herself. A friend, a kind person to listen to her. Care.

Just another day in paradise. This too shall pass.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

My dream last night...

I dreamed last night, I was walking down a hall, narrow, and an empty comforter and empty pillow sham fell from up above me. I picked them up, and walked on, holding onto them. I was in a line of girls, we were being 'shown' the way to go. We were in this big room, 'they' were telling me where I could sleep. There were wide steps, and a woman/girl was on each one. I could see no place for me to go. I didn't fit in anywhere. She said...go up there, and find a place. I walked as far as I could. There was no spot for me. So, I just laid down, right there in the corner. I fell between a crack in the floor and the wall. I was scared, but before I could get out, the 2 walls of the house smiled, and the Big house hugged me, the house was holding me.

When I interpret dreams, on Keen or otherwise, this is how I do it. I go back into the symbols of the dream, look at what stands out. Then I see a story of what the dream is saying, in the language of symbols. I will show you here....

I dreamed last night, I was walking down a hall, narrow, and
walking, going somewhere, down-inner chambers, the hall, a place many doors may seem closed, but can open. Narrow, hard, feeling pressured, squeezed.
a empty comforter and empty pillow sham fell from up above
empty, nothing left, sad comfort, and empty pillow, a sham, not what it appears. Fall to me, I grab them, hold onto them. Keep on going...
me. I picked them up, and walked on, holding onto them. I was
many females are here with me, others are showing us the way
in a line of girls, we were being 'shown' the way to go. We
to go, we all end up in the same place.
were in this big room, and they were telling me where I could
who is telling me? Should I be listening to them? I don't know.
sleep. There were wide steps, and a girl/woman was on each
sleep, rest, shut up. Wide steps, each one had someone on that step. I could see women on every step.
one. I could see no place for me to go. I didn't fit in
What step do I belong on? I could see no place for me to go, I don't belong here, I should be married, with a family. I was a good wife, good mother. I don't fit in this single scene. I don't know where to go to get out of this place, where is the door? I keep listening for direction, and it seems to keep getting worse. Sadder. Empty. Help me.
anywhere. She said, go up there, and find a place. I walked
go up, higher, reach higher, just go. Find a place, any place. Doesn't really matter.
as far as I could, there was no spot for me. So, I just laid
I have gone as far as I can, and find no spot for myself. Exhausted, I just laid down, gave up.
down, right there in the corner. I fell between a crack in
fell between the cracks, how funny. cracks on the floor, couldn't get much lower, really. and against the wall, I am against the wall. Or I have the wall, a really high one. That seems to be the only sure thing I have, is the wall.
the floor, and the wall. I was scared, but before I could get
I am scared, this is not where I thought I would be. Ever.
out, the 2 walls of the house smiled, and the Big house
before I get out of where I am, 2 of the walls smile. A really big sweet smile. Like this is all so funny, and not what I think it is. It is a big house, I cannot see all of it. Maybe the walls know more than I do.
hugged me. The house was holding me.
They hug me, hold me through the night. The house is there for me. It holds me.

Last Saturday was my birthday. I went out for a late lunch with Julie, one of my best friends. I come home, worked on Keen. Am feeling sorry for myself, wish I was out with a big hunky man, celebrating this passage of my life. I have to practice saying how old I am, it's not coming easy this year. But, no date, I am home alone. I go to sleep about midnight. 3:30 in the morning, a neighbor,Pat, beats on my door, 'the apartments are on fire' she screams. I open my door to see about 12 fire trucks, red flashing lights, right in front of me, and thick black smoke everywhere. 2 units, (cold terms for 2 small homes of someone I have waved at while getting my mail) are burning. A furnace caught fire. Just an accident. Could happen to anyone. We are all sent away for the rest of the night/day, all power and gas lines are shut off. Go somewhere. Come back later. I am standing in the parking lot, in the strangest outfit,( try grabbing clothes in utter panic, dressing while you assess what you should grab, may never see again, and run down the stairs at the same time.) Almost funny. But not. I go have coffee, and wait awhile, where can I go at 4 in the morning? I finally call Meme, a friend,and ask to go there, feels rather humbling. Is humbling. My daughter Anna says, you should move, now. Today. I cannot. Yet, I am afraid. And I hate being afraid. I think this event triggered my dream.

For every one that calls me for readings, and is alone, searching for the love of their life, I am there with you. My dream says I have listened to every voice that tells me how to do it. I am in a huge group of women, at every step of the journey, and I can't even find a place I belong, being single. I am so utterly discouraged. Tired. I decided to stop dating, if you could call it that. I call it being rejected by men you would not even really 'normally' consider dating. And what self esteem you might have a shred of left, gets pummeled into nothing. Hence, just find a corner and lay down. Give up. I painted my sewing room, and my bedroom. Am working on the rest of the walls. Ah, the walls! I am decorating my WALLS! But, my walls seem to be the only thing protecting me, they actually are smiling at me, happy to be painted, and decorated. They are holding me. I had spent a fortune on a silky comforter and pillow shams. Painted the bedroom walls, and the colors hated each other. Sold the whole bedding set on Ebay. Bought another set. Don't know if I like it or not. But I love the wall color. Reminds me of my favorite lipstick color, a rich burgundy. Very girl-y. The expensive bedding brought only 'empty' feelings. No one to share it with. Small or no comfort. Painting my walls seems to be making sense. And get this, I live in the corner, of the big apartment building. 2 walls are where I sleep, in the corner. Those 2 walls hold me at night. Even in the fire, I was safe.

And so are you.

If you ever want to know what your dreams are telling you, call me. It can be fun decoding them. Or profound. I think I'll finish painting all my walls. See what else they say in the next dream.

Monday, February 25, 2008

The Universal Fantasy Tarot....I love it. Sci-fi images...vibrant colors. My kind of deck. The cards I randomly drew are 7 of Swords, King of Cups, and the Hierophant.

First I draw one card....but I can't stop at one, so I pick 2 more. I need them to tell me what the first card is saying. I am doing the 3 kinds of reading, best, worst, and spiritual. Humor me, I like to see how much I can glean from each set of cards. I think I have an overactive mind, some people call it ADD, and one guy even called it, a steel trap. Ha, I don't think he meant that as a compliment. Whatever. On to the story....

Best News: Once upon a time....this guy is on a quest. He sees all kinds of challenges around it, but he is more than up for it. He has a goal, is listening to God, knows this is the thing to do, just not sure how he will do it. But, his heart is in the right place, and he is a man of faith. Sort of like David, fighting the giant. He can to it, just let him try. His faith is big...!
Worst News: Look at that river, he'll never be able to cross it. And that shield, what will that protect? Looks pretty, and shiny, and the banner waving through the air, he has a mission. Being that King of Cups is sitting there, meditating, me might have got the idea this was something God required as a test of faith. A 'how much do you love me' thing. But guess what, read about Grace. Trust in the person he prays to, and stop trying so hard to prove who he is. Who is he trying to impress, anyway. Looks like between the raging river, the dragons surrounding the craggy castle, and the stormy dark skies, he needs to just wait on further instruction. Go back to the center card, pray. Get focused. This could be a spiritual battle, or something he needs to fight with other ammo. Just wait, you don't have all the info yet.
Spiritual : 3 stages of being. Young and eager, ready to take on anything. Mature, confident, in touch with your feelings, and relaxed. Just go with the flow....see the sailboat in the background. A wise man. From the path he has taken, he is now a guide for others. He sits on a grand throne, and has a beautiful armor protecting his body. He also has a picture of a woman he gazes on. He has found his inspiration, and honors it. He has faith, chooses his battles well. Wonder it this man is free Friday night, looks like my kind of man. Yes!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

This is a picture of my Aunt Roberta, when she was just a young girl. She died yesterday. A devout Christian, and I mean strict Pentecostal. Is no doubt, very happy in her new heavenly home. She was the kindest mother, wife and aunt. We are all here for such a brief time....but not forgotten (for good or bad, and in our family we never forget any little detail.) My, well disciplined children, would to steal popsicles out of her deep freeze on the back porch. I think she kept it full of popsicles for all the neighbor kids to get into. I love you.

Friday, February 15, 2008

This chic adorns the wall in my living room. She holds a book, like a little High Priestess! I was playing with my camera, and loved this shot. She looks soft, defenseless. Gentle. I usually draw Tarot cards, jot down whatever comes to mind...but tonight I am using some pictures from my home, as my prompts. Her calm face reminds me, it will all be ok. Wait. Just wait.

And these beautiful yellow flowers, a gift from my grandson Avery. I had a rough day....he was so sweet to think about me. Would this be the Sun Card? The colors. Red and gold and yellow. Yeah. This did make me happy. I know I 'read' cards, but really the symbols are all around. Just look.

The World Card? Angels, books full of words of knowledge.Is it finished, or is it just starting over again? I love how the word 'miracle' stands out....I really lean on that, hard. Every day.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Loving What Is.....
A great book by Byron Katie. I read everything she writes. And I practice what she preaches.

I had something strange happen this week. I dreamed about the man I was engaged to 4 years ago. In the dream, I had 3 white pieces of an beautiful outfit. One lace blouse, a long skirt, and a vest. I just loved the lace blouse. He and I were arguing, and I couldn't find my white clothes. I ask him where they were, he said he gave them to someone else. I was ripping mad. And I woke up. Tonight I draw these 4 cards, at random. Just to see what might show up.

If I were to give just a few words for each card here, the 3 of Pentacles : 3rd time is a charm, working at it will really fix it, try harder. The Tower : coming unglued, explosions, surprises, can you believe this? The 4 of Pentacles : I have it, I think I have all my bases covered, it's mine. The World : Walk away a winner, walk away with nothing on your back, and don't care or need it. Victory, maybe.

So, I am at Barnes and Noble, getting my book fix. I look up, and there he is. I have not seen him in years. I just dreamed about him the night before. I am really shocked. He is looking for me. He hugs me....wants me to come outside and see his little Yorkie. I go outside. We talk.....and I reach out and hug him, and say, I love you. I will always love you. And I start to cry. He tells me he loves me. And I hurry to get to a lunch appointment....and wonder what just happened. He is married now. Has it all. Has lost weight, has the dog, the skinny wife, the new house, the new car, has everything. Why look for me?

I think the cards pretty well say it all. He would have been my 3rd serious try at love. I really tried. Then I tried harder. It all fell apart. And I tried harder. And I got mad. Mad at him, mad at myself. Mad at life. It was over, I moved. I couldn't decide if I won or lost. Ever felt like that? Felt like a rollar coster ride....that would never end. And when it did, I cried, I slept, I started over. I was just numb.

When I use Katie Byrons suggestions for working through something that just keeps showing up...I go through her list of questions.

What belief am I working on? That if I would have tried even harder, I would not be single right now. Not sitting here alone. He is not alone.

Who would I be without that thought? I would be ok. I wouldn't feel guilty, or punished for not trying hard enough. I think this goes way back to my marriage of 17 years. Try 'till you die. Well, almost. So, If I turn the thought around, like Katie says, it would be....He didn't try hard enough. And how can I turn it around to myself....I didn't try hard enough....to love me, to give me what I needed. And turning it around the other way, I didn't try hard enough.....how did I not try hard enough....I didn't trust him. And turning it around again...And how did he really try? He let himself love me. He let me redecorate the kitchen (no small thing, after about a thousand fights), and he loved it. So, how has my thinking hurt me? By believing a real relationship takes enormous amounts of work, never ending, just gets more work. We were never on the same team. No wonder it was so hard. We both had the 'keep your back covered' thing going.

I feel like, what the cards say is, I really did try hard enough. And it is a happy ending. And when I seen him, I do love him. And I'm glad she is married to him. Maybe it was just closure....it was sweet. And I passed the test....! I stayed tender, and forgiving...and grateful. No small thing....! Oh, and the 3 pieces of the white outfit from the dream....I have thought about that. I really just loved the white lace blouse. The others didn't seem to match, they were just white. A blouse covers your heart....the rest weren't important, and I didn't really care to lose them. But he gave them all to someone else....another woman. I had lost my heart to him....but after seeing him the other day, my heart is ok. White, purity. My motives were pure....and he knows it. A good ending....I think.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

What's up with this horrible weather? 67
Tornadoes? And the Oracle says.....

3 of Wands, Justice, 10 of Wands, and today I am adding up the numbers on the cards, and using the book, 'Numerology, the Divine Triangle' by Javine and Bunker. The number is 25, The Knight of Wands.

Justice sits in the center of the cards, she is the 'cause and effect' energy. She is the one to make tough choices, the baby in front of her is from the Bible, when King Solomon was to make the decision about which lady really was the mother of the baby. He chose to cut the child in half, giving each half the child. The real mother said, NO. Just give the baby to her. He did this knowing only the real mother would sacrfice what she wanted, for the life of her baby. He gave the baby to the real mother. On the first card, I see someone pondering the smoke from the fire, and the images in the smoke, 3 wands appear. 3 elements are at work here, creating this wierd weather. The last card, the 10 of wands, a man stuggles to get home, he carrys too much of a load, and it is smoking, too. Smoking.....that seems to be the match on the cards. Can the smoke, the pollution, the too much crap in the air, be effecting out weather patterns? Justice would say,you did it,now deal with it. The hidden card, number 25/7, is the Knight of Wands. Another fire card. 'Change of residence, trials, health, success after difficulty. You may experience trials and difficulties which make you draw on your energy reserves.He presides over the spring season, this time of year you gain strength by mastering obstacles. There can be difficulties you struggle to meet, but you preserve through hard work.'

On a personal level, I say we are in the global warming phase, 3 things we are doing to our environment are causing these horrible storms. We cannot keep crapping in our nest. Or we cannot live there anymore. And Mother Nature is angry. A Divine Anger. Clean up the stuff, the smoke, the trash, respect the land. And each other. Or, face the Judge....Justice. I pray for every family that last nights storms effected. Love each other, protect each other. Help get our planet clean again. We all are responsible. In the meantime, do what you can to help the ones that are homeless and starting over. It could be you, next week.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

The Superbowl, today!

Just for fun I drew cards on which team will win the Superbowl today. Here is what the cards say....

These are the cards for the New England Patriots....

I drew 4 cards, one for each quarter, 5 of Swords, 2 of Swords,

Hierophant, 7 of Wands. I also drew an outcome card for the end of

the game, I got the Hermit.

Looks like they start off slow, then they tie with the other team. 3rd quarter, something major happens, that seems to be the most important quarter. They hold the Giants at bay....they are very wise and they win. My money is on them today.

The New York Giants.....

This is strange....twice I scanned these cards, as the first time I laid them out, they were in the opposite order. But each time I scanned them, this is how they appeared....so I am leaving them in this order.

7 of Pentacles, Knight of Swords, Nine of Wands, and the Page of Wands. The outcome card is the 4 of Swords.

They start off good, fierce, really showing their stuff. In the 3rd

quarter, they struggle. They try to regain their poper, but it's

weak. They end with the 4 of Swords. Quiet and flat. I do not

see them winning today. I am posting this now...so I can

watch the game and see what the results are. Here is the

outcome card.....

While I was doing these cards, the 2 of Cups card fell out, so I think

this will be an entertaining, close game. Watch it....! I am.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Questions.....I love questions. And answers. Maybe that's why I love to play with the Tarot. This is the Universal Fantasy Tarot, by Paolo Martinello. Love the art. From the writing prompts in Corrine Kenners book on Tarot Journaling, here are 3 cards that answer 3 questions I ask myself, as I wait on my girlfriend to get here to go have lunch....

I am The 4 of Cups....if I could change anything about myself, it would be:

Being afraid to grab what life offers me, run with it. This caution comes from hitting the wall. As getting 'mature' teaches you many things, caution can be healthy. But, in this card, this person is timid, afraid, not seeing the fantastic offer the Angel is holding, right in sight. I want to be aware, today of what I may not be seeing. Look closer. Be fearless....

I am The 2 of Wands.....I often fantasize about: going exotic places. Travel. I have the Webshots screensaver on my computer, I love it. I have Italy, Greece, beaches...castles...forests...
I believe this is just a season in my life. Maybe a season of rebuilding...nesting. I am so ready to go somewhere...In my notebook of goals, I have pictures of all the places I want to go. I have the camera's ready. One of my girlfriends just got back from a cruise, I was so jealous. This year, I will post my own cruise pictures...hide and watch. The person in this card embraces his choices. And he magnifies his options. He gets it in detail. Has a plan. Do this, or this. But, do something. Stop thinking about it, just do it.

I am The Judgement Card....when I look back on my life, what I am proud of....

The things I have created that I can pass on to my children. And that isn't just quilts, or scrapbooks. That is going through a bad divorce, and still saying I love my kid's dad, and mean it. It is moving to a strange town, knowing no one, and getting a job, getting a life. Getting faith back. Falling in love, and not regretting it. Losing things that I cried over, and still believeing life will
bring back to you what you love, and more. In this card, the Phoenix rises,
and flies boldly. The flowers open, exactly when they are supposed
to. Peeling back the petals and forcing them to open, when I want, kills them. Just trust. What goes around, does come back around. Every day, a gift. I read the Four Agreements...I live it. No regrets. Just honest, authentic choices. And laugh alot. That helps. Find one thing a day I am proud I did. That day.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

I laid out 3 cards this morning...
Out of these 3, the middle card stands out, I want to know more about what it says. It seems to be the one with the most action going on...so. I go find my new book by Chic Cicero & Sandra Tabatha Cicero. 'Tarot Talismans.' Just filled with the coolest tidbits on the Tarot. I grab some other decks, out of my huge stash, and scan 3 other 8 of Cups cards. Then I grab one of my favorite translations of the Bible (have stacks of Bibles, too), the New Century Version. And I look up the scripture that goes with this card. How cool. I love digging deep in the layers of meaning....and seeing what images show up from the other decks, that inspire me to understand what else this might say. I know I have 3 random cards drawn, but I want to just play with this one for now.
Key words: Abandoned success, neglect. Saturn in Pisces 1 degree to 10 degrees. Hey. I am a Pisces....is there a theme here...The 43rd
Angel, Vuliah, whose title means 'king and ruler' is the Angel of this card by day. Psalms 88:13....'but Lord, I have called out to you for help, every morning I pray to you. Why do you reject me? Why do you hide from me?'
Can you feel the sadness of this person? Can you see how dark, and bleak their surroundings are? How alone they feel? Even God is far away....and silent. This terrain is harsh, like a foreign land, with no map. Only the light of the moon to show the way...and it appears slippery, cold, sad. Those cups standing in the front of the picture, what are they? They are things that once held love, joy, happiness. Now still. Empty. All in the past.
The Angel of this card by night, is Yelahiah. the 44th Angel, whose title means 'abiding forever.' 44, that number keeps showing up all around me. Yesterday I drew it in the I-Ching. Accident? No. It warned me to stay away from temptation...ok.
With this Angel, the scripture they refer to is Psalms 119:108. I included the 105 verse to the 108th verse....'By your words I can see where I'm going; they throw a beam of light on my dark path. I've committed myself and I'll never turn back from living by your righteous order. Everything's falling apart on me, God; put me together again with your Word. Festoon me with your finest sayings, God, teach me your holy rules.' the messge translation.
Looks like one of those days when you're in time out. And nothing you do will change anything. Just shut up, get alone, pray. I pulled 3 other 8 of Cups cards from other decks, here they are. In the first, she just peers out the door, all the cups are spilled. Dark and sad. She appears to be just barely holding on, the wall. She hit the wall. The second card, his man has had to let go of something that seemed precious to him. His hands are open, his face sad. The tiny person flying away, is explaining this plan to him, but even with all the money he has filling up his golden cups, he is helpless to stop this from happening. Let go. The third card, she is wrapped with a covering, protecting herself from the falling cups. She cannot grab anything and save it. Just sadly let it fall away.
If this was me in the card, and it has been me, I'd really try to believe whatever lies on the other side of that path, even unseen right now, MUST me something really, really good. It's night, in most of the cards. Night can be the hardest time to be alone, facing all the demons that daylight keeps away. Maybe this is a, just sit with the sadness, and let it flow through you. Let it have it's way. Cry, write, pray, eat. Take a nap. You can't do much today. But, maybe that's where you are supposed to be. Just feel it. And let it go.
Someone I used to love, (what a phrase) called me the other night. Temptation. But, instead of thinking, hey, this just might work this time....I sadly said no. And just keep on going....let go. I have looked in every friggin' cup that shows up here, and nothing is left. Nice to know I am still in his thoughts. But that's pretty vague. And still pretty nothing. Maybe this is just a test...wait...wait. The next card in the lineup of the Cups, is the 9 of Cups, getting your hearts desire. My take on this is, don't just go back and try to fix the mess. Let go. Over the hill is what I really want. Just can't see that right now.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Just for today....
Drew 3 cards from The Goddess Tarot, one more flipped out. Like, don't forget me! What do I see? Judgement, 4 of Swords, Strength, and the latest addition, the 5 of Pentacles.
'You may be making decisions that feel right, stop and rest. Being strong, pushing, forcing, just doesn't work. Relax. I can see this as a power stuggle, and try harder. Or just enjoy the ice/snow and wait....'
The cards have a way of cutting to the core of the question. My question is why nothing seems to be coming together, with redoing my bedroom. I am changing the colors, the furniture. Everything. First, can't get rid of the furniture...then what I get, isn't what I really want. The paint still sits in the paintcan, the ladder I borrowed isn't here yet. I have a miserable cold and am really whiney today. So, stop. It'll all get done and I shall love it. In time....

Monday, January 14, 2008

The Fool. Using Corrine Kenners book, 'Tarot Journaling', I am on page 100. The writing prompt I am using is....The road not taken.
What was a choice, I opted not to take, that would have been a crucial turning point in my life. If I could turn back time....would I make the same choice? I drew one card to journal on tonight. The Fool. Maybe I was the Fool. Maybe it worked out just the way it was meant to be.
I had graduated from high school, was engaged to the cutest boy, Johnny. I was going to Kansas City to stay with my mother. Johnny was working in St. Louis at Grayhound. We had planned an April wedding, this was May. I already had the dresses designed, the colors, the flowers, my dream wedding. While at my Mothers, she comments that I could go to LA, my grandmother Evelyn lived there. She was an International Fabric Consultant. Worked for businesses that supplied fabrics to all the designing houses. I could stay with her, go to Design School, be the next Vera Wang. My dream come true. What choice do I pick? I came from a very broken home, Johnny was my highschool sweetheart. He was shy, quiet, funny. And had a huge family that rivaled the Waltons. I wanted so much to be part of that family. I wanted baby's, and home of my very own, and this man to share it with. And I wanted Johnny to want to marry me. He seemed on the edge about it all...most men are. April seemed a safe distance away...marriage sounded so final.
I stay in Kansas City for a month, he missed me dearly. One night he said, come home and we will get married next week. Married, like in his mom's living room, with about 4 people there. A tiny cake, a simple white dress I had worn for graduation. No music, one tiny bouquet of yellow roses, just enough to cover my tiny white Bible. What about the plans for the wedding? What about time to think about what I wanted to do, go to LA, or go back to the country and have my husband and home. I chose the husband and home. I so wanted to be the famous designer, and in many ways have done it. Maybe there are many paths to the same goal. I have sewn for famous people, I have seen half the Branson stars in there underwear, doing fittings for their glitzy costumes. Maybe the path not taken was the path that would have brought me fame and fortune. I will never really know. I do know this....when I looked in the precious faces of each of our 3 babies, I knew I made the right choice. And when I stitch up the Spiderman costume my tiny grandson David wears daily (and I mean daily) and see his face light up, I made the right choice. I think life is learning to find sweet moments that are around me daily. I notice, I am grateful. Last friday night, I had both my grandsons here, a part of me wished I was out on a date with some big hunky man....but when little David crawled in my lap, wrapped his tiny arms around me, his eyes full of love and laughter.....there was no place I would rather have been.
I think we make the best choices we can, at the time we make them. And it all works out. Being the Fool Card can mean taking the chance and trusting, when you leap, you will land exactly where you are meant to be. I think so.

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