Monday, January 14, 2008
The Fool. Using Corrine Kenners book, 'Tarot Journaling', I am on page 100. The writing prompt I am using is....The road not taken.
What was a choice, I opted not to take, that would have been a crucial turning point in my life. If I could turn back time....would I make the same choice? I drew one card to journal on tonight. The Fool. Maybe I was the Fool. Maybe it worked out just the way it was meant to be.
I had graduated from high school, was engaged to the cutest boy, Johnny. I was going to Kansas City to stay with my mother. Johnny was working in St. Louis at Grayhound. We had planned an April wedding, this was May. I already had the dresses designed, the colors, the flowers, my dream wedding. While at my Mothers, she comments that I could go to LA, my grandmother Evelyn lived there. She was an International Fabric Consultant. Worked for businesses that supplied fabrics to all the designing houses. I could stay with her, go to Design School, be the next Vera Wang. My dream come true. What choice do I pick? I came from a very broken home, Johnny was my highschool sweetheart. He was shy, quiet, funny. And had a huge family that rivaled the Waltons. I wanted so much to be part of that family. I wanted baby's, and home of my very own, and this man to share it with. And I wanted Johnny to want to marry me. He seemed on the edge about it all...most men are. April seemed a safe distance away...marriage sounded so final.
I stay in Kansas City for a month, he missed me dearly. One night he said, come home and we will get married next week. Married, like in his mom's living room, with about 4 people there. A tiny cake, a simple white dress I had worn for graduation. No music, one tiny bouquet of yellow roses, just enough to cover my tiny white Bible. What about the plans for the wedding? What about time to think about what I wanted to do, go to LA, or go back to the country and have my husband and home. I chose the husband and home. I so wanted to be the famous designer, and in many ways have done it. Maybe there are many paths to the same goal. I have sewn for famous people, I have seen half the Branson stars in there underwear, doing fittings for their glitzy costumes. Maybe the path not taken was the path that would have brought me fame and fortune. I will never really know. I do know this....when I looked in the precious faces of each of our 3 babies, I knew I made the right choice. And when I stitch up the Spiderman costume my tiny grandson David wears daily (and I mean daily) and see his face light up, I made the right choice. I think life is learning to find sweet moments that are around me daily. I notice, I am grateful. Last friday night, I had both my grandsons here, a part of me wished I was out on a date with some big hunky man....but when little David crawled in my lap, wrapped his tiny arms around me, his eyes full of love and laughter.....there was no place I would rather have been.
I think we make the best choices we can, at the time we make them. And it all works out. Being the Fool Card can mean taking the chance and trusting, when you leap, you will land exactly where you are meant to be. I think so.
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