Monday, December 17, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Thursday, December 06, 2007
A high school dropout with a criminal past, Robert A. Hawkins had struggled to overcome depression. But friends thought he was making strides.
Then, about two weeks ago, he lost his girlfriend. A week later, it was his job. His friends worried he would regress.
"He was a very helpful young man, but he was quiet," said Debora Maruca-Kovac, a surgical nurse whose family took in Hawkins after her 17- and 19-year-old sons befriended him.
"He didn't cause a lot of trouble. He tried to help out all the time," Maruca-Kovac said. "He was very thankful for everything. He wasn't a violent person at all."
But Maruca-Kovac said she saw nothing foreshadowing the horror Hawkins would inflict during his last moments alive. She remembered a gentle young man who loved animals. But she had a feeling of despair soon after she learned about Wednesday shootings. By then, she had learned of a suicide note that Hawkins had left behind.
"I had a feeling it could be him," she said.
She told The Associated Press that she and her husband let Hawkins stay with them after he was kicked out of his family's house. She would not say why his family had kicked him out, but court records show that at least once he was termed a ward of the state, which legally removed him from his parents' custody.
With Hawkins living in her home, Maruca-Kovac could see he had a drinking problem and was an occasional marijuana smoker. He enjoyed music and video games — "normal teenager stuff," she said.
"He was depressed, and he had always been depressed," Maruca-Kovac said. "But he looked like was getting better."
Hawkins had earned a GED after dropping out of Papillion-La Vista High School. He got a driver's license after moving in with the Maruca-Kovacs and five months ago started working at a McDonald's restaurant near their raised ranch-style home in a middle-class neighborhood in Bellevue, Maruca-Kovac said.
Hawkins lived with several friends for a couple days at a time before landing at Maruca-Kovac's house last year, she said.
"He was like a lost pound puppy that nobody wanted," she said. "I felt sorry for him. I let him stay, and we tried to get him on his feet."
In the note, which was turned over to authorities, Hawkins wrote that he was "sorry for everything" and would not be a burden on his family anymore.
"Now I'll be famous," he wrote.
Maruca-Kovac went to the medical center, where victims of the shooting soon began to arrive.'
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Monday, December 03, 2007
Sunday, December 02, 2007
This morning, I find an old email, left in my files, from him. I sense he is here, and I ask him, Hey, Ralph, so what do you think about death now? Where are you.....(this may sound strange to people that don't know me, but the ones that pass over, are really hanging out all around us. They give us messages all the time....most go unnoticed. And I talk to them, and most of them let me know they heard me...and like it.)
I draw out 3 cards, the ones posted above, his answer....5 of Swords, Ace of Pentacles, and the Death card. How funny! He wasn't happy with going, was angry and disgruntled. A new place of beauty, (looks like an orb, a glowing ball of golden light, a flowered gateway to a new home, and yes, silly Linda, I am dead.)
So, I lay 2 cards on either side of each original card I drew, to see what else he may say to me....I get these.....Strength, by the 5 of Swords, and the Ace of Wands...After the initial tricky step of getting there, he finds himself standing straight up, strong, proud, more alive than ever, ready for this new journey.... By the Ace of Pentacles, I get the Fool and the Lovers
How sweet. He was foolish to not believe. Believe there was more, and there was so much more. A place he is loved, and is pure love. A place he now understands why he had the lessons he had, even the horrible ones, here. And he loves himself for experiencing every single thing he went through. Now, he sees it from the 'other side', and it all makes wonderful sense. He loves, he laughs.The next group, the Emperor card and the Page of Swords lay beside the Death card. He, the father, is worried about one of his sons. I believe he told me there were 3 sons. Issues with one son, lie unfinished. The bitterness falls on this son like a heavy blanket. He argues with Death, and with Life. Seems Ralph left one son, just like him. Sad, bitter and angry at life, and death. With these cards coming up, he would be telling me....this is something he is still working on, from his new home. In the light, he still is the father, and will hang around this son more than the others. This son still needs him.
This card jumps from the deck, like an final say...Temperance. It's all good. He is well, he is home, he is waiting. He would still like to argue with me, that was pretty entertaining for both of us, but he has this one son to love, (he loves the other 2, but they knew it, and loved him back, so very much.) He has things to do and places he goes, he won't rest until this issue with the son is healed.
We are energy, life, and like Jesus said, there is NO death. We just change. This body is like the car you drive, when you are in it, directing it, steering it, it looks like it's moving, it's alive. When you step out of the car, it is still, lifeless. Just a mode of transportation. Same as the body you wear here. A mode of transportation. When it stops working, you are still here, just without this silly skin suit you wear. Until you come back, get a new body. I think Jesus told them...'Ye must be born again....and again....and again.' Keep doing it till you get it right...
Ralph is still here, as are the friends and loved ones you have. Say hi to them, they'll show you, in some strange way, they heard you. ! Linda
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