Monday, December 17, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Thursday, December 06, 2007
A high school dropout with a criminal past, Robert A. Hawkins had struggled to overcome depression. But friends thought he was making strides.
Then, about two weeks ago, he lost his girlfriend. A week later, it was his job. His friends worried he would regress.
"He was a very helpful young man, but he was quiet," said Debora Maruca-Kovac, a surgical nurse whose family took in Hawkins after her 17- and 19-year-old sons befriended him.
"He didn't cause a lot of trouble. He tried to help out all the time," Maruca-Kovac said. "He was very thankful for everything. He wasn't a violent person at all."
But Maruca-Kovac said she saw nothing foreshadowing the horror Hawkins would inflict during his last moments alive. She remembered a gentle young man who loved animals. But she had a feeling of despair soon after she learned about Wednesday shootings. By then, she had learned of a suicide note that Hawkins had left behind.
"I had a feeling it could be him," she said.
She told The Associated Press that she and her husband let Hawkins stay with them after he was kicked out of his family's house. She would not say why his family had kicked him out, but court records show that at least once he was termed a ward of the state, which legally removed him from his parents' custody.
With Hawkins living in her home, Maruca-Kovac could see he had a drinking problem and was an occasional marijuana smoker. He enjoyed music and video games — "normal teenager stuff," she said.
"He was depressed, and he had always been depressed," Maruca-Kovac said. "But he looked like was getting better."
Hawkins had earned a GED after dropping out of Papillion-La Vista High School. He got a driver's license after moving in with the Maruca-Kovacs and five months ago started working at a McDonald's restaurant near their raised ranch-style home in a middle-class neighborhood in Bellevue, Maruca-Kovac said.
Hawkins lived with several friends for a couple days at a time before landing at Maruca-Kovac's house last year, she said.
"He was like a lost pound puppy that nobody wanted," she said. "I felt sorry for him. I let him stay, and we tried to get him on his feet."
In the note, which was turned over to authorities, Hawkins wrote that he was "sorry for everything" and would not be a burden on his family anymore.
"Now I'll be famous," he wrote.
Maruca-Kovac went to the medical center, where victims of the shooting soon began to arrive.'
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Monday, December 03, 2007
Sunday, December 02, 2007
This morning, I find an old email, left in my files, from him. I sense he is here, and I ask him, Hey, Ralph, so what do you think about death now? Where are you.....(this may sound strange to people that don't know me, but the ones that pass over, are really hanging out all around us. They give us messages all the time....most go unnoticed. And I talk to them, and most of them let me know they heard me...and like it.)
I draw out 3 cards, the ones posted above, his answer....5 of Swords, Ace of Pentacles, and the Death card. How funny! He wasn't happy with going, was angry and disgruntled. A new place of beauty, (looks like an orb, a glowing ball of golden light, a flowered gateway to a new home, and yes, silly Linda, I am dead.)
So, I lay 2 cards on either side of each original card I drew, to see what else he may say to me....I get these.....Strength, by the 5 of Swords, and the Ace of Wands...After the initial tricky step of getting there, he finds himself standing straight up, strong, proud, more alive than ever, ready for this new journey.... By the Ace of Pentacles, I get the Fool and the Lovers
How sweet. He was foolish to not believe. Believe there was more, and there was so much more. A place he is loved, and is pure love. A place he now understands why he had the lessons he had, even the horrible ones, here. And he loves himself for experiencing every single thing he went through. Now, he sees it from the 'other side', and it all makes wonderful sense. He loves, he laughs.The next group, the Emperor card and the Page of Swords lay beside the Death card. He, the father, is worried about one of his sons. I believe he told me there were 3 sons. Issues with one son, lie unfinished. The bitterness falls on this son like a heavy blanket. He argues with Death, and with Life. Seems Ralph left one son, just like him. Sad, bitter and angry at life, and death. With these cards coming up, he would be telling me....this is something he is still working on, from his new home. In the light, he still is the father, and will hang around this son more than the others. This son still needs him.
This card jumps from the deck, like an final say...Temperance. It's all good. He is well, he is home, he is waiting. He would still like to argue with me, that was pretty entertaining for both of us, but he has this one son to love, (he loves the other 2, but they knew it, and loved him back, so very much.) He has things to do and places he goes, he won't rest until this issue with the son is healed.
We are energy, life, and like Jesus said, there is NO death. We just change. This body is like the car you drive, when you are in it, directing it, steering it, it looks like it's moving, it's alive. When you step out of the car, it is still, lifeless. Just a mode of transportation. Same as the body you wear here. A mode of transportation. When it stops working, you are still here, just without this silly skin suit you wear. Until you come back, get a new body. I think Jesus told them...'Ye must be born again....and again....and again.' Keep doing it till you get it right...
Ralph is still here, as are the friends and loved ones you have. Say hi to them, they'll show you, in some strange way, they heard you. ! Linda
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Thursday, November 22, 2007
While authorities searched the sea to depths of 330 feet, Dave Holloway told The Associated Press that he believes his 18-year-old daughter was thrown into deeper waters — a belief based on talks with a police official and a private forensic expert.
Holloway said a private boat owner is providing divers, sonar equipment and the ability to map the ocean floor.
"It's like this: we've searched all the land areas ... It's common knowledge on the island that if someone were to dispose of the body, it would be out in the ocean," he said by telephone
Holloway said he would alert police on the Dutch Caribbean island if anything is found.
Authorities announced Wednesday they had found "new incriminating evidence" and re-arrested three men — Dutch student Joran van der Sloot and brothers Satish and Deepak Kalpoe of Suriname — on suspicion of involvement in voluntary manslaughter and causing serious bodily harm that resulted in Holloway's death.
I am using the Tarot of the New Vision, by Pietro Alligo. I have followed this case about Natalie, and am asking the Tarot if this young man is guilty of her disappearance. This is what I see....
The Knave of Pentacles, he is talking. Word is out, and one bit of evidence is coming out. Look at the sprouting trees in the dirt, by his feet. The truth does not stay hidden. It always comes out. Maybe, taking it's time. On the 4 of Cups card, he has his back turned, and is just looking the other way, but something in not going away. A beautiful white horse is floating in the air above him, her spirit is still held here by the mystery around her death. I feel until her family knows what happened to her and can have peace about this, she will be hanging around in spirit. The Moon. How interesting...something is coming out of hiding, and was hiding in the water. A man comes forth with something significant.
I ask, how is Joran and his 2 friends involved in this?
Look, 3 swords bring pain, tears, loss to the lady that has it all. Or had it all. 3 of Swords, mourning, sadness, pain. 9 of Pentacles, a beautiful independent woman, gentle as a dove, and innocent as a dove. This Ace of Wands....sex. Power, being threatened, One against 3. Outnumbered.
I see evidence coming out, he/they will be charged. I believe the Tarot is saying the water will give them the evidence they finally need. And someone knows too much, whispers of truth are surfacing. Watch the news....there is more evidence to come.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Aren't they just beautiful?
Monday, May 07, 2007
I think it's time for a nap....
Friday, May 04, 2007
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Thursday, March 08, 2007
My Aunt came home from the hospital today. I am going there on Sunday to see her, stay with her if I am needed. I drew these cards about this trip, to see what the Tarot of Durer has to say about the next few days.
Great cards....9 of Cups, Justice, 10 of Cups.
I see alot of company, family gathered together. Drinking, eating, laughing. The happiness is flawed, there are cracks in the wall of that 9 card, and a bunch of garlic to ward of the vampires of gloom and despair. Face the truth, be nakedly honest, relax, rest. Gifts of love from unexpected sources, calm waters, a safe solid place to be. Maybe it takes time to be a family. We all seem so disconnected. I hate that. I crave having family. I need my family. My father will be there, I want to see him. This Justice Lady had huge Angelic wings. I know I will feel Grandma there, hanging out in spirit. If feels very right. And blessed.
I have a new deck of Victorian Flower Oracle cards, by Karen Mahony. I usually stick with just the Tarot, but tonight I wanted to draw one of these beautiful detailed cards, to see what space I am in. Ah........
'Sympathy'. Scabious and Marigold. The little booklet says...'whatever this woman is going through, there is much sympathy to help her in this time. People will be understanding, and it is good to lighten the load, let them help.' I see it ironic, the lady with the purple, is holding the hands of twin girls. My Aunt has identical twin girls, the same age as me. And they both brought her home from the hospital today. I think the card is a window, the young lady is my Aunt in her youth, healthy and outgoing. Now sad, and very sick, she needs help and sympathy to manage. And she certainly will have it. Living there all her life, she knows everyone, and they know her. Neighbors, what a blessing. I pray this is a time of happiness for her, and healing. At least Peace, and finally being home surrounded by her family. And what a motley crew we are.....
Monday, March 05, 2007
Best case scenario: An Angel wakes you up this morning, get to work, you have a great idea just sitting there. Get going, now. No nap time today.
Worst case scenario: Someone from your past, and I mean creepy, out of the depths of the grave, comes driving by, thinking he just might get lucky. Ha. I think not. Trouble, keep on going down the road, big boy.
Spiritual Lesson: You are waking up to how blessed you really are. And what a blessing you are. Some negative person will attempt to give you a reality check, but it's their reality. Don't listen. Keep focused, stay happy. Listen to music, sing. Keep going forward, don't look back. Follow the Angel......
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Last September I had journaled here, on the Death Card. I was going through the Major Arcana, became distracted, and never got around to finishing what I had started. So, today, I want to move on to the 14th Major Card, Temperance.
When you look at the placement of this card, in the line up of the 22 Major cards, it has a rather dire set of friends surrounding it. Hanged Man, Death, Temperance, Devil, and the Tower. What a group of cards to hang out with. Ugh. I looked up a Traditional meaning, from the 'Complete Book of Tarot' by Onna and Rob Docters van Leeuwen. "Life on earth is over- the process of dying commences. The wanderer is now in a stage of transition.The dimensions of time and space unite, which makes further life on earth impossible. The Angel Rapheal receives and preserves the humans essences. A dying human has no more material wishes, is calm, modest, temperate.Racheal Pollock states, the Angel resembles the Greek goddess Iris, whose sign was the rainbow. Rainbows represent peace after the storm. The card represents moderation, balance in all things, doing the right thing, no matter what the outcome. Sometimes it means doing nothing. Simply wait. You have an Angel right here, guiding you, let her do her job. This energy brings about balance and peace. Finding a way for all things to work out, even though we have no idea how it could happen. That's why there are Angels.....here to help us. If it does mean the process of dying, and it can mean dying to many things, in many ways. Each may be hard to let go of, but time to really let it go. Feels like a death, you may have to cry, grieve, write goodbye letters. It'll be ok.
If this card was to Speak, I believe it would say.....'I am Temperance, you need me because....'
If you are really following the path of the cards, you have already been through the Hanged Man, Death, me, yet to come is the Devil and the Tower. What you cannot see ahead, I can see. You are in a great cycle of change, Alchemy. It might feel like the worst is over, but I say not. You need to rest, trust your Angel to guide you. You need to do mundane things to ground you. You may need to reach out to others, going through the same dark, sunless valleys you are trudging through.
These are other 'Temperance' cards I added, I love the symbols from them. Again, an Angel. Raphael: 'He who presides over every suffering and every wound of the Sons of Man, the Holy Raphael. 1 Enoch 40:9'. His name means,'God has healed.' Whatever you have lost, grieved over, or if you are sick, he comes to heal you. Hold you, and not leave your side as you walk through the lessons of the: devil and the tower cards. Gently leading the loin and the lamb. Calm down, relax. The Milkmaid, taking care of the cow, blending the milk and the cream together. Daily tasks that keep us focused. And the beautiful maiden, offering her gift, I wonder what the bottle holds, hot tea perhaps? Wine, or would she be holding it up to be filled by someone standing outside the card? She is gentle and has a servants heart. Every day we face death. Maybe it's in giving up on a dream, a goal. Or feeling yourself change, and knowing we have nothing in common with our friends anymore, or our family. Who are we, and what is this sorta scary place of waiting.....for what? The next card in this lineup is the Devil. Our fear. Maybe letting go of our fear? Using this time of healing in silence, as a gift. And when fear knocks on the door, we calmly walk into it's lesson, and relax. Knowing we are not alone, that beautiful Angel is right here. Always. Never are we alone. Reminds me of the song....'time.....is on your side, yes it is...'
Today I used the Universal Fantasy Tarot, The China Tarot, The Aarcheon Tarot and the Tarot of Durer. All can be purchased through Amazon.com.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
.......Ah, the dreaded 5 of Pentacles...this would be my convertible top getting ruined by the ice storm, and is in the shop today, costing me about $700 to fix, and since I have $500 deductible, ha! Here is the $500 I have to pay. An act of God, they said. I think not. Just a bad storm, and I am grateful this is all it will take to fix it. This 8 of cups, Valentines Day, I am sick in bed with the flu, sad, alone, feeling so sorry for myself. Woe is me. The 2 of Pentacles, up and down. One day, is yes, and one day, a no. Be flexible.....and ah.....the Star. Prayers are
answered, I feel good. No more chicken soup and Kleenex. Hope is a good thing. As I am writing this, a little bird is singing it's heart out, right outside my window. The sun is shining, it's cold, cold out there, but somewhere amid the broken branches of all the beautiful trees, sits one little bird, singing. That's all I need today. A sign. A good sign.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Ahhh, relief. A healing, a joining of forces. Happiness. The home is home. But he comes up as the King of Wands, and it's his choice when and how this works out. So, my job is to shut up ( not easy for me) and wait. He really does see me, and know what I need. The window she stands in, in the 2 of Cups, is a window of time that he sees. Thank God. I was wondering if he really even cared about this whole mess. I believe he does, care, and may even be doing something the right way. I need to stop worrying......OK...got it. I'll relax. Stop trying to fix it.
Friday, February 02, 2007
The full Moon. It was on the first, and is still hanging out bringing out the crazies, emotions, frustrations, yada, yada.
This is the brand new 'China Tarot', Artwork by Der Jen, and can be purchased at Lo Scarabeo. The artwork is so beautiful. The only thing I don't like is the Minor Arcana ( numbers 1-10),they are each just the images of the element. But, the Major Arcana and the Court Cards are absolutely lovely.
These are the cards I drew tonight, The Star, the Moon, and the Knave of Chalices.
I see a woman wishing, hoping, praying, for something so dear to her. She is beautiful, yet she stands alone. Wrapped in green, with the aqua colors floating around her, her heart is so open. Full, like the Moon on the next card. Then she sits, the huge golden Moon beside her, her face turned away, almost out of site. She wears little, kind of seductive, enticing, yet I see no one in this card also. In the next one, she is dressed and ready to go. She is offering her cup to someone outside the picture, her eyes are on him. I would say it's a him, as these are all watery cards, and influence out emotions. The knave would be the messenger card, so without words, she speaks. And he hears.
Pray, wait, walk. This full moon time is not the best time to do impulsive things. Just wait, the timing is coming, just not tonight. She offers her heart in a humble way, gentle, her face is finally in full view, and sweetly serene. It's all about the timing. Wait, wait.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Friday, January 05, 2007
Most art fans are familiar with Gustav Klimt's painting named 'The Lovers'. He has some strange images in this deck, you either love it or hate it. I'm on the fence about it right now. Rather early and only one cup of coffee. I drew these 3 cards to play with. Ace of Pentacles, Queen of Swords, and the Knight of Swords. I really like the gold gilding, and flowers he surprises you, some really strange symbols stand out, too,in most of the cards
First thing I do is look for whatever draws my attention in each card, that's what wants to get noticed.
I had these cards laying out here on my desk, and was just beginning to look at them, when I got a phone call from my Aunt, she was telling me she may be released from the hospital today. That could be the Queen in the middle, and she's a little edgy, been in the hopsital for about 4 weeks now, and is frustrated and sick of being sick. The sword on this card is pointing down by her ankle, and that'a what the problem is. She had fallen (she's 80) and broken her back, went in for that, came out with staph infection from THE HOSPITAL in a tiny raw place on her ankle. Now, 3 months later, she's mad and tired and wants to go home. Her back is fine, she just can't walk now from the ankle thing. Hence the Knight with his sword pulled, like stay out of my way, I'm on a mission, and here I go. The Ace would be the home card, Pentacles can be : what you value, your stuff, your land, one place you love, an open door taking you another place. That Queen from the center is looking back over her shoulder at the Ace, and both her card and the Knight are going that direction. She's breaking out of that joint one way or another today. Has had it. No mincing words here.....she can be in pain there, or at home, why stay there and be tortured and proded by idiots. (Her very words, I quote.) Might as well be in pain at home.
If I was reading this as just a general, best, worst, and spiritual reading,
Best: I have the power to give orders and have them followed, I have a new direction my life is going and I am taking it. Bring in the horse, and watch me go. Like it or not.
Worst: I have lost much, am alone and frustrated. I need to do something, right now, right or wrong, and I am doing it. I feel defenseless, but I have money, that may help, should I be doing something stupid. Money can fix it.
Spiritual: Find someone and talk today. Bitch, moan, cry, about whatever it is that makes you crazy. There is an answer, maybe right in front of you. If you would stop jumping on that horse and taking off, what you want is here.
Maybe one reason I like this deck is the art work reminds me of my quilts. He's edgy and out there. I like that in a person. Don't follow the crowd, do your own thing. Whether it's the backgrounds, or the coverings he uses, the patterning and colors are vivid, and strange. And alot of naked people, not airbrushed either. Some of these guys would look better with clothes. Or one of his designer wraps around them. As more of an intutive Tarot reader, his stuff tells me all kinds of things. Fun to play with.
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