I am woman. I can do it all. Not.

This is how I feel today. Depicted by The beautiful Victorian Romantic Tarot by Karen Mahony. In a nutshell, tired, sad, take me away.....if I were to do this as a reading, like- look at these 2 cards, the very best outcome, the worst outcome and the Spiritual outcome, here we go......

The Ten of Wands, and Temperance

Best: I am strong, I can carry everything. I am a great example for my children, I cut the wood, I carry the wood, I make the cradle. Where is the man in this picture? Well, maybe he is off chopping down the tree I got the branches from. There is an Angel here, to tell me to stop trying to do everything myself and get in the boat and just relax. Maybe I need to listen to her. Relax.

Worst: I am so worn slick. These kids, the burdens I carry, how much farther do I have to go before I am home. I see someone ahead, a boat, and looks like an angel, but do I trust it? No. I must be having visions, I really am losing it. It could not, really be that easy to find a way out. I believe the only way to get anything done right, is to do it myself. How arrogant is that.

Spiritual: I am still strong, on the path, taking care of what I need to. It feels like 40 years in the wilderness. Ah, my prayer has been answered. There is an Angel to guide me, to help me, to hold me. Thank you for this boat and it's Angelic Guide. I thankfully step this place of grace, and I relax and let someone else drive. I can sleep, I can let go.

Sometimes life is overwhelming. And we just need to remember we are not alone. And sometimes angels don't look like angels. Watch who shows up in your life today....

Christmas Day. I am thinking about New Years Resolutions, and what I really want, in my life. Hence, these two cards seem to be what I need to think about. I was shuffling my deck, and these two fell out. Saying, hey, here we are....the answer. What do you love? Who do you love? Follow that. I see a lover sneaking up on her, (yeah, only in the movies...) and arrows of love flying all over the place. I see her holding a small sacred book, her diary, and a single red rose. The Angel Raphael covers the couple. The High Priestess has the book, open and is reading it. She is wise and holy, she is the inner voice that speaks in silence. She guides me. She is the feminine face of God. She see's what I cannot. Keep journaling, keep listening. Follow my heart, choose only what I love in my life. Simple, but not easy. Or, choose only things and people that love me, in my life. 'and Angels shall lead you...'

These are the Tarot Cards I was attempting to upload the other day.....what I wrote about them is in the post below.....!

While having my beloved coffee this morning, I was thinking about the Tarot Class I taught this last year. While going over my notes, I realized I had stopped using a layout that was my very favorite. Hence, this post. The 3 Card layout, for dyslexic's. Me. Layout your 3 cards, with your very specific question, and start with your center card. Whatever that card tells you (and yes, it talks to you, look at the image in the picutre, what is it doing? Or pointing, is there anything in that center card that is showing you the way for your eye to fall into the next card?) This morning I am using the Durer Tarot Deck. I ask about my day.....drew the 4 of Pentacles, the Lovers, and the Ace of Pentacles. If I can get the scanner to work (wait....wait.....) you will see these cards.
Well, the scanner worked, but Blogger 'add a photo' is not working. I hope this isn't an indication of how my day will procede. Anyway......I will add it later today.
Back to the cards....First thing I see in the center card, a cozy nest with huge gold coins placed there. A man that has climbed the mountain to get there, and an eagle flying to the right (it is showing me the next card to look into). The Ace of Pentacles, one of the gold coins is out of the nest, the massive eagle has a firm grip on it. The face of a elegant woman, crowned and relaxed, appears. In both these cards, they show the edge of the cliff. One barren and sharp, the other grassy and soft. The eagle here is glancing across the center card, and watching the lovers frolic in the woods. 2 more bird are on this card, doves, love birds, gently touching. The couple seem very different, ha! A male and female. Talk about different. He is wild and playful, Mr. I love the woods and sex, and music and sex, and let's just live for the moment and have sex. Is there a common theme here? She is attempting to touch him, leaning up to get his attention. Looks like mating is part of the coming attractions, but first she wants to say something. Well, some things never change.
Here is my version on this layout....
I work, I stash money in my nest, wow, I think I will stop worrying about working so much. I have the work thing ....working. Do I have the lover thing figured out? No. I am talking it to death. Stop trying to communicate to the little fellows, and just have some fun. Relax. My nest has enough stuff in it, and I love my job. Go play. Looks like he is the Devil, I think I know him. Maybe I'll give him a call, let him talk me into doing something impulsive and wild. I think I need to get out more.....

Hello! Remember me? I know- I have been gone for awhile...holidays, you know. And I have a another new Tarot deck!Love that Amazon.com, right to the front door.It's The Romantic Victorian Tarot, my Karen Mahony. Lovely. Vintage art, easy to understand, and vivid coloring. And yes, I have it with me all the time, some might call that obsessive. Maybe.....

So, for today, I drew the King of Cups, the Hierophant, and the 3 of Swords. I later drew one card to cap it off, and it was the 6 of Cups, which I will post down below, as what this is all about.

3 ways I want to read this.....

The best: A tenderhearted man is talking to his friends, and his best friend, God, about a situation that is bringing him pain. His loyal dog, loves him and lets him know it will be ok. Seems he is seeking everyone else's opinion, rather than following his heart. His heart must be broken from something he thought he left behind. His shoes are off, as he is sick of walking and his feet hurt. He has gone miles, and yet the past is still behind him, right behind him. Ugh....
The worst: I think I'll get drunk and act like I know everything. I think I am God. I could show everyone how to live and do it right, I think. But alone, at night, when no one can see me, I cry. I am such a fake, only the dog knows the real me. And if I didn't have him on a leash, he would run away from me, too.
The Spiritual version: (my favorite way to read the cards) I am so blessed, with friends, a beautiful home, family. I have God's favor, and know how to talk to Him, He is really my best friend. I have stacks of books, that I study, so I can get closer and closer to what He really taught, love. But even with the knowledge, unless I let it in my heart, I am sad, and confused. Maybe I need to turn around and go back, somewhere I took the wrong turn. If I would love myself with the unconditional love my dog has for me, I would be....healed.



What the Secret is, to what these 3 cards are saying....the 6 of Cups.

We are all children, and Christmas brings out memories from the past, like it or not. But, instead of being sad, about what we did or didn't do, let it go. We did the best we could at the time. And so did our parents. They didn't know how to do it either. Ironicly, by the time we really know anything (or think we do), no one wants to hear it. And we are doing the very best we can right now.Hopefully. Be innocent, be childlike, be trusting. It's called Grace. Just believe we are exactly where we are supposed to be. You know, bloom where you're planted...It's all good. And enjoy the ride. later....

The Tarot of Reflections, created by Francesco Ciampi. Beautiful, vivid, and artistic. As a Seamstress and Designer, I really appreciate the details in the costumes, each card depicts.
I have no question today, just want to see what images surface from these 3 cards. I have the 4 of Wands, the Hierophant, and the Knave of Pentacles. At first glance, all three cards have their arm in the air, showing me something. The center card is a Major Arcana Card, it has a man that would represent the church, God, Universal Law, a Holy Card. He points upward, giving the Peace sign. His other hand clasps a staff, (thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me...Pslams23). The staff has the image of Christ crucified. Forgivness. Strong thick colomns, hold up the Temple, a scarlet red coat, and adornments of a Holy Priest catch my attention. The next card I see is the Knave dressed in eggplant purple, funky, upbeat. His hair spiked in dredlocks, his face intense, the pentacle looks heavy and solid gold. He has an idea, and will stick with it, see's the potential and is on a misson. And then I backtrack to the 4 of Wands, she holds the brides bouquet, wears a sexy laced gown, and a star shaped mask. Looks like she's at a wedding, celebrating, dancing, radiant. So, what would these 3 cards coming up together say......
Dance, celebrate, the Man upstair's, has your back, you have worked hard for this, party on.
Or maybe....A wedding, in a church, the word will soon be out. Or, since the Knave is the last card, it may mean the wedding would be secret, and you will hear about it after the fact.
Or....A celebration of a Holy day, Thanksgiving? Will bring forgiveness amoung family members, listen to what is not being said. That is the important message.
Also, if you follow your Spiritual Path, forgive, comfort, teach, you will reap the rewards of true happiness.
Whenever I see the Hierophant, He reminds me of 'Gods Will'. Like a Divine Sign that your'e on the right path. Nice to know that, you know.

This morning I am using the Secret Tarot by Lo Scarabeo. Sort of reflects the mood I am in right now. And the 3 cards I drew to explain why I am in this confused, angry, what just happened, mood, are right on target. Here they are....The Hermit ( he's called that for a reason, a good reason, listen up girls...) The Tower, nothing is the way it seems, and you better have a Plan B, and the charming, handsome, silver tongued, King of Cups.
What grabs my attention in these 3 cards...someone hiding under a cloak of darkness, lost, with only a small light to guide them. Lightning strikes, the truth comes out, long and winding road...to where? The haunted house? And there he is, cup in hand, or shall we say frosted beer mug, or wine glass, or just a way to escape, whatever that may be. I see no woman here, just someone hiding, falling, sitting stunned. The colors are somber, but with this deck, they are rather dark. I like that today.

This almost reminds me of 'Little Red Riding Hood'. She trustingly walks into a situation that turns into a nightmare, and where is the Knight in shining armor? Sitting somewhere.....who knows where.....thinking. Looks a little late. Hey, don't get up and do anything...wouldn't want to bother you, sir. Ugh.

Today would be a nice day for a long lunch with a girlfriend, chocolate, a massage. Maybe go buy something. Female comforts.....I shall be at the mall, should anyone need me. Bye....

This is my favorite Tarot Deck right now! The Llewellyn Tarot Set, by Anna-Marie Ferguson. Sweet watercolors, nice big cards easy to use, and tons of extra details to draw on in my reading. For today....
Ahh, today. One of those days when just one thing pushes you over the edge, and I started crying, and could not stop. These cards pretty much depict what was going on. Work on my car, nothing seems to be easy, promises that are empty. I have my hands out in hope, and.....everything feels out of reach. Sitting on the ground, confused, what do I work on first, where do I start? I think I envy the gray and white cat in the 8 of Pentacles. She seems to have the answer. Lay down. Stop. She's watching the bird sitting on the water barrel. Patiently waiting for the bird to fly just a little bit closer. The person is this card is focused on what he is creating. Intently focused. Something I could not do today.

The Knight of Cups, everything will be great, better than I think, just hold on. Coming to the rescue, is a man with the answers, and a gentle spirit heal to confusion. He is riding up behind the lady sitting flat out on the ground, wondering what do I do first? And what am I doing wrong here? Maybe nothing.....
Maybe she is just supposed to sit and wait. And stop trying so hard. Another thought I have is, after the 7 of Cups card, is the 8 of Cups. Walking away for a while. That is what I did today. Just turn off the phones and take a nap. Yeah..a catnap.
Looks like she is walking away for awhile. I see this as a safe, quiet place. Nothing popping out of the cups to vie for your attention. Go out by the water and think, alone. Decide what's important, and leave the rest behind. Having the 8 of Pentacles and the 8 of Cups show up together, the #8 is the Strength Card in the Major Arcana. I think it sometimes takes more strength to stop and regroup, than to keep on trying to fix everything and MAKE it all work. She looks tired, and is using a staff to lean against. We all can use help, and asking for it isn't easy. In this card, she's going to wait until morning to decide anything. Good idea. Worry about it tomorrow. Let it go....

I am using The Lovers Path Tarot tonight, Halloween night, a great night to do a reading, don't you think?

I had no question to ask the cards tonight, just wanted to see what cards came out to play. The Three of Pentacles, the King of Cups, the Strength Card, and Balance. From these 4 cards, I see a couple, separated by the top 2 cards. She is walking away, sad. Looks like she's worked hard to have this beautiful, safe, place to live. It may have been just what she wanted at the time, but not today. She doesn't see all the beauty around her, she is tired, and wants to walk away....somewhere else. Following her path, she walks right into the King of Cups card, he sits waiting, gazing into the chalice he holds, contemplating his future. Passive, he seems. Maybe he has learned that what he chases, he never catches. When he waits, what he desires, comes to him. Wisely, he waits. He seems to watch her from a high place, maybe he is visualizing her, in his prayers, his thoughts.

In the Strength card, he walks up behind her and embraces her. A stallion is in the background, wild and free. Huge stones hold a fire, to warm the couple, against the elements of the winter night. Carved symbols appear in the rocks at their feet. She rests back in his arms, he proudly protects her from whatever her fears may have been, she looks calm, and ready to join him in the dance of life. Into the next card, Balance, or Temperance, they dance. He, the masculine, dark beauty of a man, doesn't seem to want to take his cloak off and stay awhile. But he is joining in the dance, and a vivid scarlet ribbon connects these two as they clasp hands. I see the elements of fire and water in the background. They are now in a house, a home? A garland of white flowers adorns the window, 2 white doves of Peace are seen flying by, watching them work out the steps that bring them closer together. Sweet cards.

The sad, resignation on her face has turned to happiness, dancing, being held. Only in the last card does she see his face, on all the others she is looking away from him. And even in that last card, she shyly looks away, but she has seen him, he has a firm grip on her hand, and her heart. He is intently looking at her, cannot take his eyes off of her. The fragile scarlet ribbon flows between them, not binding them tightly together, but gently connecting them as one. How precious, to find your partner, to join the dance. May we all be so blessed.......

Michelle Gardner-Quinn Missing
By Staff
Oct 12, 2006

As a class assignment, for the Tarot Group I lead, I ask my students to play Pyschic Detective. I printed out this news article, and as a group, we ask questions to discern the outcome of this case with Michelle. Sadly, it was not good news. Here is the article from the newspaper.....

Michelle Gardner-Quinn, 21, has been missing since last Saturday. Police have expanded the search for Michelle Gardner-Quinn with more than two dozen agencies searching Burlington and the surrounding area.
Michelle Gardner-Quinn, a University of Vermont student, went missing Saturday morning while walking alone from downtown to her campus dorm room, the Burlington Free Press reported Tuesday

"Time is of the essence," Burlington Police Department Chief Thomas Tremblay told the Free-Press, "and the more time that goes by, the more concerned we become."

Tremblay said detectives had not yet determined whether a crime had been committed.

The chief said investigators were seeking the driver of a Subaru or similar-type hatchback who was reported to be acting suspiciously in the area around the time of Gardner-Quinn's disappearance.

Several police agencies are involved in the investigation.

source: United Press International

Here is what one of my students, Becky, sent me to verify what we got through the cards, about Michelle....
I forwarded the whole article to the slueths group and then I went through my notes and wrote up this report.

Here are the questions we asked and the answers we got. In some cases (not all sorry), I noted extra details that Linda gave, in addition to what she got that the rest of the group got.

Did she just run away? No
Did guy in hatchback have something to do with it? yes. It doesn’t mention if the suspect Rooney was the person in the hatchback.
Where is her body? Outside, some sort of archway leading to the area. Linda: something about the ownership of the property where she was killed, some place people go, maybe owned by older man. Quinn's body was discovered near a popular swimming spot 13 miles east of Burlington, Police Chief Thomas Tremblay said.
How was she killed? drugs involved, possibly stabbed after the drugs incapacitated her.
Was she raped or did she want sex? She was taken some where else. Sex happened, she didn't fight it either because she wanted it or because of being drugged, Out cold, out in the cold came up. Since suspect is charged with other sexual assaults/abuse, I think we can assume that was his intent.
Was she held a while before being killed? Linda said she died about 3am, and the killer left her body laying outside, maybe tortured or her body was marked in some way and that the police know more than what they are saying. They had a jewelry store video showing her with the suspected killer, at 2:30am.
Others: outside, held down, hurt.
Did she know the killer? Yes. Linda: teacher or someone she knew and trusted from school. Some she thought was coming to her aide. He let her use his cell phone.
How soon will they find her? within two days. This was Wed. night, it was in paper on Friday. Someone comes forward. Two people know something.
Will the killer or killers be caught? Yes, he has taken something with him.
Did he leave something behind? Yes, evidence on body. Linda: marked the body in some way, disfigured. Killer felt like she deserved what he did to her.
Has Killer done this before? Yes, to rape, Linda said she was fourth. This might be the first time he killed someone. He is charged with three previous sexual assaults.


As Vermont State Police searched the Huntington Gorge swimming hole, authorities had cordoned off at least half a block in a residential Burlington neighborhood several blocks south of where Gardner-Quinn was last seen. They were concentrating on a stately, three-story, red brick home, where there has been construction on an addition. Someone in our group had an older, red building in one of their cards.

We are watching the news, for any new information to be available. Sometimes the answers we find are not what we are hoping for. I pray for her family and friends. I feel like we found out other information around this, it is just not been validated yet, as the Police are keeping things quiet until the rest of the story is validated. I shall keep you posted......

Number 14. Temperance. This is a new deck designed by Chatriya. I love the colors, soft, sepia browns and muted colors easily understood through a reading. The deck is 'Fenestra Tarot'.
I see an Angel, this would be the Angel Micheal, our Healing Angel. He is holding 2 containers, here they appear with water/energy flowing between them. He is stepping in a pool of rose colored water. Sort of like seeing through Rose Colored Glasses. A golden crown floats behind him, with rays of light streaming through the sky. The first thing I see is the wings, earning your wings. Patience, letting the Spirit world guide you through this rough terrain here on planet earth. Calling all angels. A creature of beauty, mystery, and healing. When I get this card in a reading, I see 'waiting', and letting prayers and signs guide you. Or you could be the Angel, and your job in the situation is to be a conduit for Spiritual guidance.
Relax, you are never alone. You may have to ask, for help or whatever you need. That's ok, Ask away. Help is here. I will gladly welcome any Angelic help, anytime. I think this is sweet, after the Death card, you have this card of healing. Anytime you go through a 'letting go' or whatever life pried out of your tight fisted little hands, this Angel is right here to help you through it. Stop trying so hard to be brave and just cry. Even Jesus had his moments of sobbing, with Angels appearing to hold him as the faced what he didn't want to have to go through. And he was able to get up and walk through the test, well almost, he did fall on his face and need help to carry his own cross. Why do we think we need no help? What a joke. That's why there are angels, we need them desperately. And they are really here. Sometimes they look just like people. Sweet. Watch for one around you today. Secret Service from Spirit. Bet they could tell some stories.

The very different Osho Zen Tarot. Some days I love it, some days not. Today I am drawn to it. I am getting ready to go to stay with my Aunt Rosella for a few days, she is getting out of the hospital today. She fell in her kitchen, and has fractured her back. She taught me how to Quilt, and how to play a mean game of Scrabble. I love her.
I go back to where I grew up, with mixed feelings. So I drew 3 cards to let me know what I am in store for. And it is good. 'Consciousness' would say there is a higher reason for me to be there. 'Success' would say it will be fun and I will be very glad I did this. 'Healing', I need that. And I love seeing that card. The first hand in the picutre I see is the hand over his face, he cannot see what is happening. And the second hand is covering his yellow power center. Feeling powerless, letting go of having power over the situation. Just relax. The heart power center is in full bloom. And that is a good thing. Rather a Miracle. For me. Here is what the book says about this card of Healing...
'It is a time when the deeply buried wounds of the past are coming to the surface, ready and available to be healed. The figure in this card is naked, vunerable, open to the loving touch of existence. The aura around his body is full of light, and the quality of relaxation, caring, and love that surrounds him is so dissolving his struggle and suffering.....In this attitude of opening, and acceptance we can be healed, and help others also be healthy and whole.'
I am taking my camera, hope to get some pictures while I am there. Great Tarot cards to get for today. I feel happy. Bye...

Ah.....the Death Card. One of the scary cards in the Tarot Deck. Or so every one believes. The Grim Reaper. Change in the air. Time to go. Breaking up is hard to do. Getting fired. Getting evicted. Getting divorce papers. Maybe losing weight, being Anorexic. Number 13, the unlucky number ( or so most believe ) which equals 4, the Emperor. Stability, Father Time, Structure. Could mean the end of stablilty as you know it. But, could mean changes for the better. Only when you let of what you are hanging onto, can you embrace the good new stuff.
Rarely does this card mean physical Death. It can, but with other dire cards that may surround it. But I really believe that it can mean a person may look Death in the eye, and make the decision then, to stay here of go. But the choice is up to them, at that time. This version of this card is 'Heads rolling.' Chop, chop. Sometimes this card just means something you are waiting on is finally here. Waiting is over. I like the one card here that has the crosses on his robe. If someone crucifies you, forgive them. Let it go. If you don't, it will destroy you. Slowly, inch by inch. The bitterness, the pain, the memories. Take the high road and forgive. Not easy, but so worth it. I try. Time to move on. Give stuff away, clean out the drawers, donate what you no longer need. Don't be afraid of this card, just look at what cards come up beside it to clarify what it is saying. A new cycle of change. Could be good news.

Number 12 in the Major Arcana is the Hanged Man. Interesting. The first thought I have, is he reminds me of Judas. A betrayer that feels remorse, so he kills himself. But I have just read the new book, 'The book of Judas', and I actually believe it. He had a reason to do what he did. And he has a story, that seems to only be heard now. Nothing is as it seems. So, how, and why, would a person be hung upside down in a tree? Did they do that to themselves? Or did someone hang them there, for punishment? Or revenge? Or to kill them? Helpless. Frustrated. Giving up. Why try, it only makes things worse.
Here is the image of the Hanged Man from the Lovers Path Deck, someone walks away. Leaves. And you really can't stop it. Sacrifice. Wait. Everything is in limbo. And the next card in the Tarot is't much better, it will be #13 Death. This is a part of life we all hate. Knowing something is over and you really can't stop it. Then, you find out the rest of the story. And everything changes. It's a time of Surrender. Relax, pray, trust Someone is in control of what you have no clue about. And it will be for a good outcome. No matter how dire it looks today. Crawl back into bed. Be easy on yourself. Cry. Write. Hide out.
Maybe while you are stuck here, look at everything from a different angle. Play the Devil's advocate. Make a game out of it. Many times what we hang onto isn't that great, and something better is just waiting for us, when we make room in our lives for it. Time to clean house. Embrace the changes. It is going into Fall. I see the leaves laying on the grass outside my window. A cycle of life. Jump into it, befriend it. Trust it. It may mean a blessing in disguise. Just call me PollyAnna. Hey, I try. I have spent my time here. And in many ways, I am still here. Waiting. Trusting. So, don't feel alone. This too, shall pass.

Justice. This can be a frightening card, if you have lived a selfish life and intentionally hurt everyone around you. Or a blessing, if you are choosing a life of love and forgiveness. Karma. What comes around, goes around. It's a fact. I think that's one of the good things about being older. You see that Justice really works. It can be going into battle, with a lawyer by your side. It can be a windfall of money, should you be the kind of person always giving to others, without asking it back. Justice see's what you are doing. She evens the score. The peacock feathers painted on her billowy sleeves remind you of the all-seeing eyes of Karma. Weighed in the balances, and found....wanting. The scriptures say. Or found blessed.
I think she can mean to be 'just ice'. Cold, ice cold. Time to stop feeling sorry for people that choose to be hateful and mean. Walk away. Give up, let someone else try to fix them. Cut the ties to anyone that pulls you down, stop casting your pearls before swine. Make a decision to be honest. Honest about what you want from life and what you are willing to do to get it. And take responsiblity for what you choose. You can have what you want, just do it the right way. Speak the truth. And live the truth.
This card is from the beautiful new Llewellyn Tarot deck by Anna-Marie Ferguson. I love it. The colors are soft, and the artwork is delicate. Very feminine. My new favorite deck. I have a new website, it is not completely finished, but should you want to peek, it is MaidenofMysteries.com Have a safe weekend, and fun!

Just thought I would do a reading on 3 cards I drew at random, tonight. These are from the 'Tarot of Reflections" by Francesco Ciampi, I love them. Watercolors, soft and dreamy. Yet detailed, and easy to understand what they are saying.
The 5 of Swords, the 6 of Cups, and the Lovers. The first thing I see is the woman, beaten up, bloody, giving up. She just doesn't have any strength in her to fight for what she thought she wanted any more. The house by the lake stands out, and the children playing. Go back to simpler times. Relax. Remember what you love, ( the Lovers ) and do that. Play with life. And stop trying so hard.
Sometimes I forget that everything I need is right here. And watching a child play, can give me hope, they are so innocent and trusting. They are real. They cry when they are afraid, they laugh when they are happy. They know how to feel. They get right back up and keep on going. After a nap. Keep it simple. I also see the arms of the Lovers reaching out, to others outside the card. Share what little you have, and it will multiply. Baby steps...I think the Swords are the words that come to me that hold me back, the fight is in my mind, and manifests outward. Change your thoughts, change your life. How true. And the Lovers, remembering what you love can be hard, sometimes everything around me changes and I change. And I have to think, what is it that would really make me happy? And it is something I am surprised by. And maybe a little afraid of. But, that's ok. Play with it, and have fun. That's why I love the Tarot, it is one of my favorite things. I think I will do something brave this week. And tell you next week what it was. Bye....

The Wheel of Fortune. Since I last posted here, my computer has
been very sick. I feel like I've been on the bottom of Lady Fortune's favorite 'top ten' list. I could go on and on. But I shall spare you. Look at the difference in the size of the man and the woman on this card. Not fair. And He is fully clothed, even wearing boots and a hat. She wears a white cloth, and a wide, festive red ribbon in her hair. Naked, confident, trusting, open. He seems to be grasping her hand, as she lifts him up, higher on the wheel. A beautiful chocloate butterfly flits over the scene. Announcing change....can be a good thing. Maybe rocky, may land off target, out in the field. May accidently land right where you want to go. She is not the enemy. She is the change that comes constantly to each of us.
I remember hearing once, that if you can learn to thrive on rejection, you have it made. I laughed, and thought, how true. I believe change is another given. We all change, I call it evolve. Or we should. Those that are stuck in the past, will never pass the tests life sends us, to help us remember who we really are. We are powerful beyond what we know. We have the ability to change our selves, change our world. I think it is true, that when God put Adam to sleep to take his rib to create Eve, he never woke them up. We are still alseep to what we can really do. And Lady Fortune, Ms. Change herself, spins the wheel to toss us into life. Ready or not.
What do you think you are here for? To keep things the same as yesterday? NO. To create, to sing, to dance. To laugh and embrace life with all it's ups and downs. Enjoy the ride.....

The Hermit. Number 9. This is the Archeon Deck by Timothy Lantz. Dark, artsy, edgy. I love them. Some days the airy, fairy decks just don't resonate with me. I want to go in this card and walk with him for awhile....

It's dark, lonely. Icy cold, snowy. A gate is closed behind him, the path feels rocky and uneven ahead of him. He has a heavy dark brown woolen blanket wrapped around him, and a dimly lit lantern to guide him. One step at a time. Looks like he has a cane, or maybe a shepherd's crook in his other arm. Not carrying much. Leaving it all behind, it wasn't what he really wanted, anyway. His head is bowed, he is tired and cold and where the hell is he going? He really doesn't know, just is letting life show him the way, as he gets there.

If we were hanging out together, what would we talk about? How nothing is as it seems. How he had it all, and none of it brought him happiness. Just stuff. Maybe Jesus was right when he said the kingdom of God is within you. Everything you really need is right here inside your heart all the time. You just need to run down all the flashy paths that tell you what you think you want to hear. Dead ends. He would be quiet, and when he does speak, it is with the sad voice of experience. Sad, because he would not listen to anyone trying to guide him, and now, no one will listen to him. Ha. Welcome to Planet Earth. When you finally do find the answer, no one wants to know, they think you're crazy. John the Baptist crazy. Maybe that's why John lived in a cave, alone, and ate locusts. Sounds pretty peaceful to me. If you act crazy enough, most people leave you alone.

He would tell me that it's only when you get alone, and quiet.....all the answers you seek, find you. Just appear, easy. Stop running around, thinking everyone else has the answers for you. You have the answer. You are the answer. If you stop chasing it, it finds you.
Contemplation...'to consider or ponder thoughtfully'. This is the Hermit from the Lovers Path Tarot by Kris Waldherr. Love it, although it is hard to shuffle, for me. He seems to be painting, writing, and has a musicial istrument there. His own quiet place to think, wow, no tv, no traffic, no other people to distract him from his thoughts. I believe everyone needs a room of their own. Just a place to hide, think, daydream. Some may think he is lonely, I think he is happy. Has found a place full of new discoveries, knowledge, ideas. Answers. Find a Hermit card from your favorite deck and keep it with you today. Some of the new little decks are fun to do this with, just keep this card around to remind you to look for him wherever you go today. He will show up......just watch.

Strength. See a common theme? All three of these Tarot Cards are wrestling with something. Something bigger than them, something that could kill them, something that is not like them, does not think like them, and something that takes courage to even go in the ring with.

Some call this card 'Force', or 'Fortitude'. I see it as something everyone faces every day, in some way. One deck designer calls this card 'Fortitude'. I see these people are not afraid to reach out and grab whatever it is that is their greatest fear. They are struggling to win, and the opponent looks like the battle could go against them at any minute. But, they are still fighting. Power Struggles. I hate power struggles, confrontation, fighting. But maybe this is all part of life. I really had no parental examples of anyone that stayed around and 'fought' to make things better. The path of least resistance was the easiest. Just leave. Let someone else worry about it.

I believe strength can be developed. Little by little. Facing just one fear at a time. Many things have happened to me that were my worst fears, ( and no, I don't believe that what you fear you draw to you, and it's your fault you are going through whatever it is that your 'Job's comforter' friends would squalk at you, you ask for this......NO). What if you had a tiny premention that this could happen to you someday. And what if you seen other people go through this same 'fear' and overcome it, even turn it around to be a blessing. Ohhhh, what a thought. What if we are all facing fears every day and we need each other to hold our hand and remind us that we are not alone. Ever. What if that is what these 'lions' are, a gift to remind us of how strong we really are, and when the fight is over, we feel so good about the whole mess, even though we dreaded every minute of it. I have a magnet on my frig, that is a picture of Eleanor Roosevelt saying...'Do one thing every day that scares you.'

So, getting transparently honest....what is it that scares me? The war. I have a son that they could draft. They say they won't do that again, but I don't trust them. I know many of my clients have children and husbands over there, God be with you. I hate war and don't believe it's the answer. Lets kill them and show them they shouldn't kill each other. What is that theory???? Crazy. Another fear...dating. Love, the kind that rocks your soul. Letting a man get close enough to me to hurt me. Am still pretty bruised from the last go round. Thanks for that, Roger.

On to this last card I am placing here for you to see. I love this one. She has the lion eating out of her hand. He is even wearing a necklace of roses. And liking it. The fence posts are adorned by roses, and no barb wire anywhere. NOthing to fear. She has faced her fear and even befriended it. Look how high up the mountain she is, she has risen above the fear and appears calm and serene. I like the red stone in her necklace, a ruby? Like the ruby red slippers Dorthy wore in the 'Wizard of Oz' movie? She had the power all the time, just didn't know it. Love that movie.
Watch what crosses your path today, and see what form your fear takes. And befriend it. And watch it purr.

The next card I am journaling about in the line up of the Major Arcana Cards, is the Chariot. Things with wheels. Things that go places. I am adding another image of the Chariot card below this writing, from the Lovers Path Deck, it is called Desire, and is the story of Tristan & Isolde. I rented the movie that just came out with the same title. How romantic. And tragic. If you get the chance to see it, do so. They were drawn to each other, could not stay away from each other, life took them miles and miles away, and yet they always found each other. Somehow.
If I were to draw this card in a reading, I would see it as....
Goals, travel, vision, focus, where are you going? And how do you plan to get there? What is it you desire more than anything, and how much are you willing to give to get it? Most of the Chariot cards show a person driving. If you are at the wheel of life, where is your life going? Are you giving someone else the power to steer your path? Or will you take responsibility for where you end up. Is there a plan, or just random, maybes, and then anger at what you have, right now, and whose fault it is for who you are, or where you are. Stop the chariot, and find the directions. Or rewrite the directions. Make your own map. Set a destination and go in that direction. The card is a number 7. 7 days in a week. Why not give yourself goals that only reach one week at a time. Or even one day at a time. Remember, the journey of a thousand miles, starts with just one step. Where do you see yourself in a week? A year? 3 years? 10 years? Or have you sadly given up and just feel powerless, just crawling in the floorboard and let someone else drive. And they will. Some days the chariot just stops, out of gas. Time to rest, fill up on fuel, and do an internal checkup. Trace back to what monkey wrench may have fallen in the gears, and remove it. And start over. And over. See you on the path.....hey, if I am broken down under a shade tree trying to fix my own chariot, would you stop and help me? Hope so...

The Lovers Card from the Durer Tarot Deck. This is one of my favorite versions of the Lovers Cards. Pan is playing his music to seduce the lady in the green gown that seems to be falling from her body. He is about fun and choices, frolicking in the woods, letting nature take it's course. And the two gentle love birds, the doves that snuggle behind the lovers, the male bird is protectively laying his head on the female. She appears happy and sleepy. Safe. Another image in this card is the tree right behind the lady, it is 2 trees joined together, growing strong, yet rooted in the same place.
When this card comes up in a reading, I see it as something you would love, or a choice you must make to bring whatever you love to you. This is more of a playful version, most others are more serious. But I believe you need to have fun with this. If it is meant to be, it will be. Don't hold on so tight. Love should be joyful, not all a struggle and painful. Looks like these two have found time to play and remember that if they don't put their relationship first, they won't have a relationship. So, make time to play with the one's you love, and tell them how you really feel. Sadly, none of us are mindreaders. So, love someone today. ok?

Just in case you wonder what I am doing when I am not doing Readings....I would be playing at the pool with my grandson David. I go for the younger men....

Number 5, the Hierophant. Most readers are confused about what they think this card means. My slant is one that comes from being raised by very strict Pentecostal Grandparents. God was someone to be feared, dreaded, appeased. I followed that path, even raising my children in that belief. Until I had a nervous breakdown. This was a view of a God I could never please. And He didn't even like me, I thought. When I fell in love with the Tarot, I had a hard time with this card. It reminded me of the traditional beliefs that hold power over so many of us. I had to just sit with this and think about what this card meant to me. Today....
I see him as an Ancient Soul that has walked every path imaginable. He radiates unconditional love and understanding. He is a safe place to go to lay my head on his big broad shoulder and cry and question. Surrounded by candles, prayers of fellow travelers on this uncertain path, he is the place to run to that is always there.I see his robes and ornate headress as costumes and props to let us know he is a Holy Man. But he is who we can be, if we take the time to talk to God and learn to listen to the still small voice within our hearts. He is a cool card to draw, like, your prayers are heard, everything is in Divine Timing, he's got your back. Relax. He's your friend in high places.

Was waiting for my coffee to finish brewing, and drew 2 cards from the Lovers Path Tarot. Sort of a mini preview of what's to come today, cross my path, you get the idea. Wisdom & Judgement. I love the veil she wears, her eyes speak for her. And the book she holds, has all the answers to her questions, she just has to take the time to read it. A hunky man is reclining behind her, his sword just within reach, but he knows he will not need it in her presence. And that beautiful scarlet curtain, embossed with pomegrantes, the power of the female. He seems entranced by her. She is his Wisdom, his inspiration, his power. A man that has everything, and she is the one thing that is important to him. Going into the next card, she had shed her heavy blue gown, for a lighter, softer frock. And her heavy crown is replaced by a light band of woven flowers. She is leaning over the balcony smiling at a man at work, even strangers that cross her path, stop and talk to her. Wonder if they had the sign 'Man at Work' back then. Everytime I see one of those signs, I laugh. Where is the 'Woman at Work' sign? Anyway...back to the cards...
Once upon a time ( a little story to go with these 2 cards...)a wise woman lived outside a small village in Rome. She had learned the art of listening. Hearing...the sounds of nature, they spoke to her. She wondered why others could not hear the voices of the wind, water, silence. Ond day the King, while searching for a Wise man, stumbled upon the story of this woman that was amazing. He just had to find her. He listened to her for hours, entranced and charmed by her stories. He made his important decisions based on her Wisdom. Even the grounds keepers would seek her presence. She knew what people really needed. Not money, or power, or sex ( well maybe sex), she knew what they really craved was to be heard. And she listened. When it came time for the King to choose a mate, he was more impressed with her gentle wise spirit, than all the other flashy,greedy, shallow women. And maybe he was a Wise man, too. For he chose her. Wise choice. And they lived happily ever after...

Welcome to the Emperors of the Tarot Deck. I see this as the Father, Husband card. He is ruled by Mars, very fiery and passionate about whatever he sets his mind to do. And he is a doer. He loves to create, build, rule. He is the King and wants everyone to know it, especially the woman he's with. In every version of this card, he holds a scepter, or a huge sword to remind you of his power. He loves power. His robe is red, blood red. He would be the one to understand why we need to fight to get what we need. He might even lead the fight. Not fainthearted, this one.
If this card were to come up for me, I would say it would mean to be strong, confident, unafraid, fearless. It can also mean issues with Daddy, or a man that holds power in your life. Watch for a big macho, testosterone riddled person on your horizon. Here is another version of him, I really like this one, he has this tough old bird as his friend. Looks like he, the bird has stuck his neck out a few times, and got his feathers plucked out. And he's still getting the last word. These two are just alike. Crusty old birds. These men will never change, and maybe that's a good thing. We love them just as they are. Everyone needs this guy on your side.

Three versions of the Empress show up today. I really love this card. She is the Queen. She is the married woman, the wife. The partner, equal partner in the marriage. Everything she touches grows, she radiates life and all things bloom around her. She knows how to please her man, and is confident he will have eyes only for her. She rules her home with grace and love. I see her as the woman in the book of Proverbs 31.
'A good wife is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long. She shops around for the best cottons, and enjoys sewing. She is like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises. She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day. She looks over a field and buys it, with money she's put aside, she plants a garden. She senses the worth of her work. She is skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in home making. She's quick to assist anyone in need and reaches out to help the poor. She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks. She designs gowns and sells them, her clothes are well made and elegant. She always faces tomorrow with a smile. When she speaks, she has something worthwhile to say, and always says it with kindness.....'
What a woman. A woman of worth. Actually,( I just thought about it!) it was today, 35 years ago I married. That lasted for 17 years. I aspired to be this woman. I really was her, for a time. But what I learned was, unless the husband in this home, does not honor what she gives and who she is, she sadly falls apart. The Emperor is the next card in the deck, and he is her Strength. She needs him, to be able to be this woman. It is a partnership. Two become one thing. And unless both male and female are together, and I mean mentally, best friends, hot sex with each other only. It will not work. I believe she can only be this graceful Emperess, with his strong arm around her. I envy the women that have that in their life, and can relax into his sweet embrace. She is strong, and can make it on her own, but in this card, she chooses to be in the relationship boat, and rows right along side with him. No wonder her husband trusts her, she lives for him, adores him, is a rich blessing in his life. What a lucky guy. I think I will go out and buy myself a special gift today, sort of a Anniversary gift, that might have been. I would do it all agian, it was so worth it. And I will do it again. No regrets. Just lessons. This chic blooms where she's planted, and is a joy to be around, no matter where she is. Her kisses really do fix the scrapes and hurts in life. Just don't forget she needs kissed too, or she will wander off in that beautiful garden on that card, and forget her way back. Sad.

I have a party of High Priestess's holding court this quiet Sunday morning. Gee, I wonder what the waiter would hear as he served the tea and crumpets. Or Bloody Mary's. These chics are usually the silent, mysterious energy in the Tarot. But deep, really deep.
Most are covered up with a nun-like gown. Except the Celtic Tarot's Priestess. She reigns from an ancient, ornate, stone throne. Her gown is falling down, as she is busy removing the veil from her face. She is easily approachable, looks like a good friend that would have time to listen and share her grapes and apples that lie by her feet. What each one would do is really feed your spirit. Wow. Someone that would be 100% present and really hear what you are saying and not judge you, just listen.
The Durer High Priestess has a serpent with an apple in its mouth. Reminds me of the Garden of Eden, seems to have been hanging around since then, like the beginning of time. She actually represents the Holy Spirit. The feminine aspect of the God head. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Wonder why they couldn't just say, Father, Son and Divine Feminine. Got to keep those women down. This group may be quiet, but they know who gets the last word. They know the answers before you ask the questions. She is Intuitive, Perceptive, Out there. Some are leery of her, but that is just fear, like she can read their minds. And most of the time, she can. She just doesn't tell you that. In this card, with the snake, she holds the golden keys. The keys to knowledge, to choices, to whatever you want to really ask. If you are brave enough to ask.
The Golden Tarot Priestess sits on a red velvet pillow, in an ornate gold and white throne. She holds up a red sacred book, the book she has written and is quite selective about who is worthy to read it. I don't see it at Walmart, in a bargain bin. Holy Secrets that apply to life and what only the elite shall read. If, she chooses.
The Priestess of the Tarot of the New Vision sits with her back to us. She had 2 students bowing in reverence to her Holy presence. This scruffy brown owl is her animal totem. All he can say is 'who'. As she knows the what, where, and why. He sits on the pomegranate, it is a symbol of the Divine Feminine, the red juice, the red blood women cycle with, the eggs they hold within their bodies, reminds you of the female genitalia. All about her. Cool. I really like her. She sits meditating on the waters and the moon in front of her. She is quite happy with her solitude. Silence is her friend.
The Priestess of the Fantasticial Tarot Deck looks about a thousand years old. No offense, she is proud of her ancient wisdom, and doesn't suffer fools gladly. Don't waste her precious time with silly questions. Read the book and come back when you are serious about learning something. She's not doing it for you. Sort of dramatic, but I bet she could spice up a party, once she lets her hair down a bit.
And my Tarot of Transformation Priestess, out in the garden, soaking up the energy of the tall green grasses that surround her. Nature talks to her. Nature heals her. Nature teaches her, and she writes it down to remember it all. She would know that what we do to our planet, we do to ourselves. I bet she's a tree hugger. She looks a little intimadating, but that feels to me, more for show. And to get your respect. She has worked hard to earn her position, don't waste her time with trivial talk. She can be moody, as the moon makes an appearance on 2 of the cards. 2 others show her in a Chapel, 4 appear to be outside.
If she were to say something, I think it would be that we already have all the answers within our souls. We just aren't listening. Shut up, and get quiet. She is the gentle voice that whispers the answers at the exact time we need them. Not a moment before. Relax, she's got your back.
Today, I think they would be talking about the war in Israel. Wondering why people just don't get it. They would be talking about the cures to all the diseases on the planet, are right here on the planet. Stop fighting and find another way to resolve things. But, hey, she's a woman. If she would have to fight, she would use her mind and go to the source of the problem. What you think creates your world. Go back to the beginning, change the way you think about it. In the book, 'The Way of the Peaceful Warrior', Dan Millian said something I think is so 'High Priestess-y'.....Silence is Strength, and Meditation, Wisdom. How profound.

The Magician. He is talent, ability, confidence. He doesn't give up, he knows there is a way to manifest anything, anywhere, anytime. He would be a Jesus sort of guy. Walking on water is easy. Remember who you are. He does. He has a work table behind him, and each of the elements from the Tarot ot choose from, floating right in front of him. The black wrap he wears is an apron. He is busy. He has all these ideas and his mind is racing to decide which project to start on first. If I were walking into this card, embodying him, who would I be, and what would I do with his knowledge and talent....

I would dive deeper into my writing. Fearlessly bringing all these floating ideas together to create a beautiful book to live in the shelves of Barnes and Noble. A book you couldn't put down, you would drag around with you, just to see if you could absorb just one more piece of the puzzle of the Tarot, just one more, something that would change the way you know the cards and what they say. Each of the Elements of the Tarot on this Magician Card, I would use. The Wand would be the pen and the ideas that keep my up each night writing, the channeled idea flow that won't stop until it is spoken. The Cup, my fresh ground coffee, hot and steamy, sitting right here on my desk, some would call an addiction, whatever. I love it. The Pentacle, my other job to support me as I write. The already manifest miracle of living by faith & the seat of my pants (!) and trusting the Universe to support me in my Artistic Endeavors. Thank you!!!! And the razor sharp sword, the ability to cut away, decidely, everyone and anything that does not support me, love me, and bless me. All those flowers in the background, are wild flowers that I have taken photo's of. Each is a tiny splash of color and passion that suddenly appears and then is gone. A lesson from this card, when the door of oppertunity opens, RUN through, and embrace each chance to express the Divine Artist within yourself. Have fun with it, play, laugh, and create. The Magician would be your Muse. I think the only things we leave behind us, are the things we create. Relationships, Art, Homes, Careers, Families. The David Cooperfield version of you, in your own story. Who are you and what have you created? And why not? Get busy.....

This is the Fool Card from the Tarot of Reflections Deck by Francesco Ciampi. I am going to start with this card, and work my way through the complete deck. I want to see how many things I can draw from each card.....

I am at the beginning, again. Every time I start over, I feel excited, afraid, stupid, punished, forgiven, who am I? And why can't I just find a place to be, or become a person I am content with, and just accept life and burrow in my little hole and refuse change? This must be a gift, somehow a gift, to start over and over and fall down and get right back up again. If I were the chic in this card, I would say...I am only taking what means something to me. Gotta go, have outgrown this gig and on to new faces, new lessons. In the little bag I carry, I have (of course!) my Tarot Cards, my Mary Kay stuff, something to remind me of each one of my 3 children, and that isn't something like a wad of gray hair, strech marks, and a worry stone, worn slick. I would choose something like...The crinkled up note Jonna passed to me in church, many years ago, after I had sang the song 'We shall Behold Him.' The note said, 'you really did good, mom.' Like she just noticed I could sing.... And a picture of my daughter Anna, holding her first baby. Ah, I cry to think about it. That look of love that only another mother would understand. A holy bond we share. And from Josh, a snapshot of us together in a church, the colored windows bathing us in prisms of colors. We were deep in conversation, and the looks on our faces were like we were the only 2 people in the world. It was a Holy moment, caught on film by a stranger that developed it and gave it to me as a gift. It was on my refrigerator when our house burned down. When I walked throught the ashes, it was still here, black and curled, I didn't care. It was etched in my heart. That would be there with me. 2 tiny perfect arrowheads, my father gave me. He collects them and cherishes each one. His way of saying he loves me? Perhaps. I know we don't speak the same language. Maybe the language of the heart has no words. It speaks through your eyes. I heard you, dad. No doubt, I could go on and on...the key to the backdoor of my girlfriend Janice's home, the day the house burned. A tiny key, I will never forget. A home for a few months. A safe place to sleep, cry, question, 'start over', which is what the Fool Card is. Sometimes big starts, sometime little tiny steps. It all counts. She has learned to travel light, and the white lily, a surprise lily, no doubt. Just when you think you have no hope....this beautiful lily springs up, overnight to remind you that life has surprises (good and bad!) and you never know what lies around the next bend in the dusty road. Trust, and enjoy the journey. See you on the path. Linda

This is the Tarot of Transformation by Francesco Ciampi. I love these cards, they are soft watercolors, yet very detailed and easy to read with.

The story this group of three would tell is....

I see a man of pride and dignity. He stands firm in his belief that good things come to those who wait. He is also a man of action, it appears he has hit the wall in pursuing his goals. This 7 of Swords is blocking him from seeing that the happiness he desires is right around the corner. Maybe the Swords are fears, ghosts from the past, haunting lines from the naysayers reminding him that what he wants, he will never have. Whatever. He refuses to believe that, he grasps that staff with one hand and his other hand is a firm fist. He will not be stopped. Maybe the timing has been off and he has just had to wait. That dark night of the soul that we all encounter and just love. If, just if, he can keep believing, and I think he does, there is the happy ever after card. The 10 of Cups, time to laugh, dance, shout. Time to relax and let down all defenses, as he is home free.

He appears to me as a guide, a friend that keeps the faith no matter what. The dark card would make me want to go take a nap and wake up when everything is all better. Just fast forward to the happy ending. But no. Life won't let you. You have to ride out the storm, earn the joy. And it is so sweet, when it finally gets here. So worth it. Don't give up. No excuses. Think from the end. Imagine what the outcome could be, should you really get your wish. And just hold that thought in focus. He guides you. I beileve we have Guides around us constantly. Angels, loved ones from the other side, people that are divine, right in front of us. We are never alone. Nice to know that. Just watch and see who shows up in your life this week, surprising you with happiness..........

Search for missing Md. publisher continues By BEN NUCKOLS, Associated Press Writer
39 minutes ago



BALTIMORE - Rescue crews using helicopters and boats searched 100 square miles of the Chesapeake Bay for a prominent publisher and former diplomat whose sailboat was found empty and drifting in shallow water.



The search for Philip Merrill, an experienced sailor and chairman of the board of Capital-Gazette Communications Inc., continued early Monday, two days after he disappeared.

"As time goes by, chances of survival are less and less," said Col. Mark S. Chaney, superintendent of the Maryland Natural Resources Police.

Merrill, 72, had taken his 41-foot sailboat, the "Merrilly," out alone Saturday. He typically followed an 18-mile round trip without wearing a lifejacket, Chaney said.

Two boaters found the sailboat adrift Saturday evening near Plum Point, about 25 miles south of Annapolis and 40 miles south of his home in Arnold, and called police, officials said.

Rescue crews believe Merrill likely fell overboard since his wallet was on board and there was no damage to the boat, officials said. The wind was gusting up to 25 mph on Saturday, creating conditions that could be difficult for a single sailor alone, Chaney said.

Merrill's family issued a statement saying he had been an avid yachtsman since he first learned to sail at age 7.

"If there was anyone who could captain a boat competently alone, it was Phil," the statement said. "He just couldn't resist a sunny day with the wind at his back."

Annapolis-based Capital-Gazette Communications Inc. publishes Washingtonian magazine, The Capital and five other Maryland newspapers. Merrill took leave from publishing in December 2002 to be president and chairman of the Export-Import Bank of the United States. His term expired last July.

He served as assistant secretary-general of NATO in Brussels from 1990 to 1992 and from 1983 to 1990 he served on the Department of Defense Policy Board. From 1981 to 1983, he was counselor to the undersecretary of defense for policy. In 1988, the secretary of defense awarded him the Medal for Distinguished Service, the highest civilian honor given by the department.

What the Tarot would say about this....

I laid out cards from the Tarot of Reflections by Francesco Ciampi, after trying about 10 times to post the pictures of the cards ( in case you are wondering why I have not been writing in my journal here, this is why....very frustrating to try over and over to post images and take the time to write, and have it not be posted or some malfunction and it disappears mysteriously. So.....bitchy today, yes I am.) I drew the Star, the 8 of Swords, and the Fool, on the question of 'what happened to Philip. And I drew the 5 of Wands, the Lovers, and the Death card on the question, 'Where is he right now?' My reading....(and hopefully I can get the cards to post so you can see the images....)

He was having a glorious day, alone, when suddenly gripped by pain, he knew what the pain meant, but kept on sailing, foolishly thinking it would go away. It didn't, and quickly he fell into the water, the place he loved the most, leaving this world. The pain was across his upper chest and neck, a stroke perhaps. I believe he knew he had a short time here, and wanted to be where he loved, on his boat on the water. I see no foul play, I see a very independent man that was fearless and lived life to the fullest. He died where he chose to die. He is happy.

After one last try to post the images, I give up. I will be back tomorrow, watching the news to see the outcome of Philip's story......

> This is the Beautiful Tarot of Dreams created by Ciro Marchetti. I drew one card (this one, the 7 of Wands) as what the heart of the matter would be for me, today. And I drew another for the crossing card, and I will have it below, it was the Ace of Wands.

Both cards are in red hues. This person is fending off 7 strong wands that are coming at him, and he is battling with only one wand in his possession. He is standing in the center of a circle on the floor, like a wrestler that has his bounderies, he also has clothing on that would say he is prepared to fight for his cause, and is unconcerned about being outnumbered. May even enjoy it. Bring it on.The symbol of Mars-Aries is in the left hand corner, and the other corner has Leo. No wonder the feeling is of fire and passion. On a personal level for me, this is all the projects I have 'in the air' right now. Some days it seems overwhelming, but without goals, without ideas I see all around me simmering, half finished, I tend to get depressed and lose my focus. Maybe I need to have 7 things coming at me at once to get me moving. And I do tend to get them finished, Rome wasn't built in a day, you know.
This is the crossing card, a single Wand. A simmering mountain, bubbling with lava and fire. My Mars and Venus are both in Aries. I like a challenge, I love creating new ideas, things no one has done before. This card would remind me to choose one project and stick with it. Stop trying to do everything, and keep my focus one just one thing, until I finish it. When you harness all this passion and fire energy, wow, it is rather intense. But, well worth it. I am working on a Quilt that is the 22 Major Tarot cards, with 3 extra blocks to even out the numbers to 25 blocks. Two of the extra blocks will be fabric art that ties in with my theme, and the final extra card will be written and monogramed with "The Tarot". That is what I want to finish next. I have about 10 of the 22 cards (blocks) done. Now to finish these up and have fun with it. I will post a picture of it here when I get it done. So, this is what I do in my spare time....!

This is the Fantastical Tarot by Nathalie Hertz. What do you think? I love it! It has a goth, fun look. And is very accurate with the symbols that give you the meaning for the cards. Going into each card, I want to give you what it feels like to me, and then putting the 3 cards together, what that would say as a group. Here goes....

The Moon....She is so mysterious, meditative, calm. She has an inner focus that guides her through the uncertain path she travels on. It is dark, and could be scary, but she is unafraid. She has befriended the darkness, it is safe. I love how she wears the moon symbols all over herself. She is the moon. Woman, guided by the flow of nature. In sync with the mystery.

The Sun....He is Power. To be respected. Crackling with energy, light, no secrets here. Wild with adventure, trophy's adorn his neck, from his journey through this life. He is proud, wild, passionate. Full of life.

Temperance....She is gentle. Giving, kind, balaced. She warns of the undercurrents that can seduce you, pulling you under, away from your goals. She tells you to wait, like the tide that changes daily, she changes. Sometimes you must wait for the right time to act on whatever it is you seek, and she would guide you to know the exact time. But waiting is hard. She will tell you when to go, or when to stay. Listen.

As a 3 card reading, the first card I would be drawn to is the Sun. It grabs your attention, it radiates out with it's beams of light into the other 2 cards. The Moon is looking away from the group, alone and in silence. He seems to be waking her up, telling her to stop praying and start doing. He reaches into the Temperance card to say, let me warm the water you pour, let me bring some fun and passion into your life. She also seems asleep, her eyes closed and just going about her business. His energy would shake her from her watery cocoon, and pull her out for an adventure. He is saying that Now is the time to go for whatever it is you want. Maybe waiting has become safe and predictable. He sweeps in to pull both these cards out to play. Time for an adventure. Have fun with it!

I am going to finish up this story today. I ask what is the last chapter this couple goes through, is. Happy ending or no? I am still using the Durer Deck and drew the 3 of Wands, the Devil, and the Queen of Cups. Here we go...

From the last scene we see the man in pain, decieved and feeling like he has given all he has to the lady. Looks like they are not together now. Or ever again. He is taking a break from this mess. He has his boat out, and is out there alone thinking. Looks like he has erected a monument of sorts to what he has gone through. A rite of passage. He is getting in his boat, and going far, far, away.

The Devil is the strongest card here, and lets you know the couple ended on bad terms. No forgiveness, yet, no understanding of what went wrong. Both are hurt and angry. Both feel used. Both are looking a opposite direction. No togetherness here. Both feel like the sacrificial lamb. Maybe they both are right. I think they both had hidden expections going into this. Where is the honesty? Maybe we all have things we hope to get from the one we love. Maybe we cannot even tell them, because we don't realize it. But the stage is set, and the ones we love can really push all the triggers like no one else can. The Devil is actually one of the 4 Angels that are in the Tarot. He is the Fallen Angel, Lucifer. He rules the planet Saturn which is time, death, and fateful destiny. He brings out our shadow side, the dard side we would rather hide from everyone. He tests us. And he tested this couple. But insead of coming from a place of love and overcoming the test, they attacked each other and walked away. Well, let me tell you something, if you don't get the lesson now, it will come right back again, another way with another man and you will get the wonderful chance to make a different choice. So now...or later. Your choice.

This Queen is the gentle, sensitive one. She is finding solace in her drink. So, has she taken to dealing with issues though numbing them with something to drink? Her eyes are closed, she doesn't want to see the truth, and has had it with the boyfriend. Time out is a good thing. She at least is fully present in her card, he is distant and standing turned away. She is feeling the pain, and processing it. All she holds, beside the goblet, is a small purse. She didn't take much when she left. It really was not ever what she wanted from him. I wonder if they ever get together again and talk about what happened. I hope so. For both of them, this sucked. No happy ending here.

If this was a reading for a client of mine, and I drew these cards as the ending of this saga, I would try to get both of them to see what brought out the fears they both experienced with each other. This was real, and happy at one time. Maybe it was only meant to last for a short time. I don't know. But both made the choice to let it go. Moving on. Maybe the happy ending is ahead, but with different people. I hope so.....

I had planned to post something on here each day, but have been sick with allergies. Sorry. I drew cards to add to the story I had started last week. Here is what I drew...the 10 of Pentacles, the 6 of Pentacles, and the 10 of Swords. The previous post ended on a good note. Things are about to change....

The man has become complacent. He has stopped trying to impress his lady and win her love. He feels like he has bought her everything she could ever want, why is she not happy? He thinks that by buying her 'things' he is giving her what she wants. Not true. He has been rather generous and it appears she has a beautiful home, money in the bank, all the comforts of life. But I see no cups in the group. He looks like he is sleeping, not at all aware of what she really wants. And she is no where here in the cards, she has withdrawn and is gone. He hasn't seen that she is gone yet.

This 6 of Pentacles says he has given and given, and whatever she wants, she could easily have. Except for his heart. His heart (spirit, symbloized by the bird in flight) is gone. Money is where his heart was. One the bottom coin the Lion of Leo stands out, so he appears very proud of what he has accomplished, and is generous with it. But sorta in a way that draws attention to him. Again, he gives to get attention, and not out of love. They seem to not talk. Just make assumptions. Bad idea.

He has now seen the light. Like the light at the end of your life and the tunnel is before you to go in a completely different direction. A Death of sorts. Pain is a great catalyst. He is flat on his back in pain. And his money and everything he owns isn't helping him get help. The Swords can represent mental anguish. And this looks like he is in misery. He feels betrayed, stabbed in the back and left out in the cold. She is gone, and he has his stuff. But that is all he has, and stuff will not hold you at night. I think he is remembering things she said, things she ask for, like little things that didn't cost anything. And he was just not interested. He went outside and sat by himself. Counting his money. Sad. This lesson is for him, as he is here alone, she is somewhere else. I will see if the Tarot tells us where she went, and if she is coming back. Tomorrow....

Adding to the story from the previous cards, we have the 2 of Cups show up again, the Sun Card, and the Ace of Swords. So, our story goes like this....

The two together, happy and reconnected, have now remembered what they love about each other and found each other again. I would say they have met for dinner, maybe had details to talk about that were important. They touch, hold hands, connect, they look deep into each others eyes, and they wondered, why were we being so stubborn about wanting what we wanted that was really not that big a deal. Hours pass, and they are caught up in each other, and realize, this is what is really important, this is what I was looking for, and here it is, right in front of me. They leave together....

The Sun, they play, feed each other grapes, talk, laugh, relax. The Angelic part of themselves they had forgotten, now emerges and they know that whatever it was that seemed so important, now is minor. They are together. All is forgiven, that song, 'I can see clearly now, the rain is gone', is how they feel. The stormy pass they were going through is now just a memory. They are blessed, they have found what is real, and warm, and home. Going into the next card...

The Ace of Swords. Now they need to really talk about whatever the problem was. Honestly. I see the 2 tiny foxes in the card, safe under the mothers watchful eye. I would see the 2 little ones as the couple, and they have weathered the storm, now they are starting over, but gently. The older fox, I think would be a older mentor, someone that has lived long and would be nonjudgemental for them to go to for advice. They choose to come together and be 'one' again. But with better ground rules, and adding time to play. That seems to be the theme. They forgot how to have fun with each other, and got selfish and mad. Today, the cards say they are happy. And focused on fixing the problem, working through it. What they have seems to be worth hanging on to.

Appears they have learned they can accomplish more together than apart. And no one else out there can replace what they had. And they had more than they thought. So revel in it, enjoy it. Today is a good day for them in the cards. Let's see what tomorrow brings.....

Continuing on with the story from the Durer Tarot, from yesterday...today I drew the Knight of Wands, the Strength Card, and the 9 of Pentacles. And so the story goes....
The last images we seen were the 2 lions going in different directions. The Lion shows up in the Center card again, in the Strength Card. Knights always represent action, and the first card is the Knight of Wands, he is the 'don't fence me in' kind of man. He has his back straight, and appears packed and ready to move on, in a new direction. Without her. And he has a very prickly club to wack anything or anyone out of his way as he is going. There is a tiny splash of pink on his helmet, another tiny lion is wrapped in a pink cloth, looks like it is tied there to remind him of who he used to be, and he wanted to mount it there for all to see as he declares his independence. Pink, that would mean he has remembered what he loves, and is going in that direction. And today, he loves his freedom. He is looking one way and the horse is looking another. Seems he still has not found a partner that wants to go the same direction as he. And that may be what the next card tells us...

'You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink', a decision is requiring determination and goes into a power struggle. This would say to me, that he will really have to fight to get whatever it is he is really wanting to do with his life. It also reminds me of Jacob wrestling with the Angel in the Bible. Sometimes our Angels take on other apperances, and we cannot see that what challenges us is a gift. (I question that daily, let me tell you.) The Course in Miracles teaches us that we are only sent Angels. We just do not know it. And have forgotten who we really are. I believe that. This man now is stipped of the shirt on his back and wears only a loin cloth, and a wreath of green vines of Victory. How funny, the man with a 'loin' cloth is wrestling a 'lion'. The lion is bigger and wilder. I would put my money on the Lion. But, we humans have immense power when we make up our minds to do something. And we can be fearless. He has gone for the Lions weak spot, his throat. By choking him, he loses his power, is reduced to jelly.

The lady appears in the cards now, she is the last one in the layout, calmly petting her Golden Eagle. She has found another way to accomplish what she desires. Seems she had read the book on manifesting, and has decided to go at this from another angle. Work less, and do more. She has her eyes closed and I see her in medidation. She focuses on what she desires and lets it come to her. The line of beautiful golden coins on the brilliant banner behind her, show off her accomplishments. She wears the latest fashion in her attire and even a fancy hat with a lavish plume. 'A feather in her hat.' She is quite successful, but has found another way to get what she wants. A very effective way. I think the story is this...

He is very Aries, and will fight to the Death to get what he wants. And uses Power and Ego to get it. She is quiet and gentle, and uses another kind of power to get what she wants. They are on different pages as far as a couple, but the cards do not tell us yet where this story goes. She may be waiting for him to show up and choose to take her on his journey wherever life is taking him. Or, she may be tired of his selfish antics and all the stunts he is pulling to show off in front of her, are not really working any more. He can walk around his loin cloth for someone else to ohhh over. She likes he companionship of her Golden Eagle. Who knows what he may turn into in the next layout of cards. Sort of like the frog turning into the Prince. We shall see....

This is the 3 Card Layout, and the cards I drew today were from the Durer Tarot Deck. The 2 of Cups, the Tower, and the 2 of Wands. The Beloved Tower. I almost put these back in the deck and redrew. But no, I think I will just sit with this and see what comes from these three cards. The first card that stands out is the Tower. Appears two people are grasping at each other, as something they have built together comes falling down around them. A third person is jumping from, or being blown out of the top of the solid stone house. This reminds me of the Titanic movie, when they said that was a ship that would NEVER sink. And it sunk. This looks like a house that is solid, rock solid, and it is destroyed. By fate? By an electrical bolt from a storm? And it's placement in the 3 cards, is second. So, they first card is happy, they are sharing everything, they are soooo happy, and care free. Then, in a moment, everything changes. Black storms pound their life and they just stand there in shock. They make it through the storm, but just barely. Going into the next card, another 2, you see 2 lions. Has this Tower experience turned them into beasts? One of them has his claws out and is reaching for something foriegn to him. A prickly porcupine. And completely out of his reach. The other is snarling and walking away, they are not holding each other any more. They are wanting different things, and their choices are very opposite. Are the two battered posts what was left from the home, and a few scattered rocks, the left over bricks that once held the home together? I am tempted to draw more cards to see where the story is going, but not today. Tomorrow. And I will see where the cards show me the once happy couple, go. For the next 7 days, I will keep this story going. And use the same deck.
I started a Tarot Group last night at the Library here in town. Had a wonderful turnout and alot of fun! I rebooked the room for next month. So we will be meeting in the Santa Fe Room from 6-9, in the Library Center on Kansas, on Thursday evening, May 11.
I thought it funny, that out of that many people attending the class, no one had the same deck. That just represents how different each one of us is, and what we are interested in. Yet we share an interest in the Tarot. How cool.

This deck is the Labyrinth Tarot by Luis Royo. It is so beautiful, and soft, the Major Arcana have vivid details, erotic images. The Minor Arcana are traditional in keeping the symbols of the element, and just arranging them in different sequence as they move up from Ace to 10. I think using this deck, makes you use your intuition more. You don't depend on the pictures for information, you use whatever floats up and whispers to you. Then you add the images from the Major Arcana and the Court Cards, and you have a different spin on the interpretations. Today I drew 3 cards at random. The King of Spades (Swords), the 6 of Spades (Swords), and the Moon. While scanning these, I came upon a picture of my brother Randy,(my daughter Johnna was here last weekend and scanned a pile of family pictures to copy.) Strange (maybe not,) that Randy and these cards came up on the screen one after the other. He died in a car wreck 10 years ago. He was such a pistol. I feel him around me, and seems he is hanging out today. If I were to read these 3 cards as what would Randy have to say to me, it would be....

I stand at the front door, I watch over you. I am protecting you, I am as fierce in death as I was in life. A warrior, a protecter, always armed and dangerous. Where you are going is bringing up mirrors from the past, this 6 of Spades would say you are in a calmer place, and you can see light up ahead. Tread lightly, the Moon still rules your world, and nothing is as it seems. Pray, relax, wait. He reminds me of one of the howling dogs, baying at the moon. He was loud and full of life. I see all the blues and the gold in the layout, and with the Moon so strong, the only Major Arcana card here, it would say, stay put, you are depressed and wanting to break free from what you 'think' is holding you back. But wait.

Here is his picture, he was my baby brother. I love you, Randy.

These are the Princesses of the Lovers Path Tarot by Kris Waldherr. These chicks are the messengers of the Tarot. When it comes to getting the messages across, they get the job done. They each have their own realm to rule over, and it would be...

The Princess of Arrows, she rules the Air realm. She is the little spy that watches every move and reports the details, in living color. She welcomes changes, rushes to meet them. She has a red ribbon flowing in the wind, that would accent her passion for her place in the Court cards, and her love of being the messenger that carries the words you just might not want to hear. Sometimes her messages are one's that stir you to action, or anger, or revenge. She rules the mind, so she can play mind games like a pro.

The Princess of Coins...she is all about the money, security, and what's up at work. She has all kinds of ideas of how to improve on just about anything, and make money doing it. She loves to create, and make things happen. She is patient, and knows that money will come. She also loves books, and school. College. Furthering her education, of course, to make more money!

The Princess of Staves. She is on the go. She reminds me of the old time mail carriers, on a schedule and with her hair on fire. She will bring you messages of important news, things to act on RIGHT NOW. She is the only one of these four that is on a horse. She looks like Joan of Arc, on a mission.

The Princess of Cups. She is the tender, sweet messenger. She doesn't want to hurt anyone, and tends to sugarcoat the contents of whatever she needs to say. She may talk with art, or symbols. She hears messages from the 'other side'. She is the Channeler of Spirit. And the comforter of the four.

Each have a talent, and use it well. When they come up in a reading, it can mean many things being talked about, or discussion being placed on the table from all these different angles. Watch them show up in your readings, they have something for you to hear. Gossipy little group, they are.