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Sunday, January 10, 2010


winter withering--
amid the storm
a sacred lantern

-Issa, 1821

This has been quite a winter. The ice on the inside of my window, makes a lovely pattern of lace. It greets me each morning as I sit down with my fresh coffee, at my computer. And read the morning news. And pray.

These cards depict how I feel today.

Heard that a friend died yesterday morning. She would have been 97 on the 24th of January. Yes....what a long life. How blessed she was. Really. One of her daughters by her side, holding her frail hand as she passed from this life, to her next. I bet there was huge party as she parted, her husband had just passed last year, and many friends and loved ones, no doubt gathered around her, embracing her, catching her up on what they have been doing on the other side. And I don't believe sitting around strumming harps is on the agenda. They call it Heaven for a reason...and she is happy. Like dancing happy. I can feel it.
I remember staying at her house during a huge family reunion, in the summer of 1980. Having to go upstairs to find a quiet place to nurse my baby son, who happens to turn 30 today. His birthday. Sweet Joshua. It must have been the hottest summer on record....I really think it was. And young, prudish me, I could not nurse him in front of anyone. So, here we hide....in sweltering heat....stuck together. Poor child, I bet he would have loved some icy cold milk from one of those cows standing around that yard filled with family, in Iowa. But no, mothers milk is best. Whatever.
Ayliffe. She was my mother in law's, identical twin sister. Mother in law. What a term. Constance. She was my real mother. Finally, life had given me a mother...one that adopted me into her family, into her heart. She was my best friend. Sadly, she died when Josh was just one year old. But my 2 little daughters, who were 6 and 9, they remember her sweet ways.
Last year, my genealogist daughter, Johnna, sent me recent a picture of Ayliffe. I have not seen her in years. She looked exactly like my 'mother' would have looked, if she would have still been here. Ugh. I could not even keep the photo out. Had to put it away. Maybe I am still grieving for the one, dear lady that mothered me. So, as of yesterday, the twins are together. Reunited. Two little girls that shared the same place under their mothers heart for 9 months....now together.

winter withering.....the season of winter. harsh, sad, cold. so many out of work, homeless. hopeless. their souls withering. passing to a new way of life, one way or the other. winter. followed by spring. that seems a long reach, today. can't even go there.

amid the storm....fox news. storms, and more storms. storms in the atmosphere, storms in the homes, storms in the news. find someone worse off than you, not hard to do. help them. another friend of mine came home to a burnt house with all her furniture strewn around the yard, charred. broken windows, broken spirit, this is the second time her house has caught fire in 3 years. and they say lightening doesn't strike twice in the same place. wrong. find someone to hold, tight. maybe a good book, or a long nap. and wait it out. and pray.

a sacred lantern.... on this hermit's card, his sacred lantern sits. someone once said to me, the lantern holds the light of the star, from the 'star' card in the tarot. I like that. he found the star. hope. harnessed it. uses it to guide him in his dark night of the soul. lonely, solitary time. and that turtle, ugh, time passing so slowly. yet this card gives me hope. maybe just a glance of it, but hope, nonetheless. he is ok. maybe older, way wiser, and understanding of life's cycles. this too shall pass. find a safe spot, wait it out. and I noticed he is studying a skull, pondering maybe, who this was, what their story was. matches the first card, death. death is the story is over, or the story is just beginning. a new story. that's why the star gives us hope. there is always a new beginning. count the stars, if you can see them tonight. that many new beginnings, still there for me, for you. ponder that.


1 comment:

Shirley said...

What a beautiful posting, Linda.